My New Catholic Wedding Project: Introducing Spoken Bride

If things have been a little quiet around here lately, it's because I've been working on a project that's been in the works for almost a year.  I'm thrilled to introduce you to SPOKEN BRIDE, a new website that combines lifestyle articles for brides and newlyweds, visual inspiration from jaw-dropping real Catholic weddings, and community for Catholic wedding vendors.

Last summer, my friends Jiza, Elissa (she took that gorgeous image above from Maura of Made In His Image's wedding!) and I started talking about what a need there is to foster connections between Catholic wedding photographers, planners, and designers in order to help them find clients who appreciate their fire for the sacrament of marriage, as well as the need for a resource that provides visually beautiful images and inspiration on par with the culture's wedding sites, yet made deeper and truer with spiritual richness.  A few weeks ago, our friend Andi joined us, and things have been rolling, and rolling fast, since then.  SPOKEN BRIDE launches May 31, the Feast of the Visitation, to close the month of Our Lady with a nod to her identity as the purest, most humble, obedient, radiant bride, in the best sense of the words.

I couldn't be happier that this dream, a long time coming, now has some real internet roots, and we have high hopes for SPOKEN becoming a distinctive, noted resource for lots of brides.  Read more about us and about our mission here.  Meantime, I'll still be posting here, at least through the end of May, and am currently discerning how SPOKEN and Captive the Heart will intersect.

Want to get involved?  This community will be dependent on submissions and involvement from y'all, so we'd love to have you!

• If you're engaged or newlywed, find info about submitting your wedding or engagement shoot here.
• If you're a photographer or other wedding vendor, click here for more on joining our Vendor Guide and having your work and your business featured on the site and in our forthcoming directory for brides.
• Do you have an article idea?  Deets on submitting written work are here.

Please pray for us as we start this ministry and share it with your friends, ministry partners, and fellow vendors and creatives!  I hope you'll join me!

To First Look, or Not To First Look: What to Consider and How to Decide

Are you planning a first look with your hubs-to-be on your wedding day?  Five years ago, I thought the idea of seeing each other before our wedding Mass was crazy, partially because I figured that was just how the tradition went and didn't really know otherwise (this was about six months before Pinterest!), and partly because of that line from the movie 27 Dresses about how amazing it is to watch the look on the groom's face, not the bride's, during her walk up the aisle--the first time I saw that movie, I'm pretty sure I hadn't yet had any boyfriend experience beyond a few dates here and there, so I was all over that idea.

And you know what?  Seeing Andrew waiting for me at the altar, tears in his eyes and the most radiant smile on his face, is one of the most cherished memories of my life.  I love that we saw each other for the first time that day right as our wedding Mass started and we were about to become one.  I will say, though, that my general take on first looks has changed since then.  I was coming from the mindset that if I chose to buck a particular wedding tradition, particularly one so tied in with other aspects of waiting for marriage, then my wedding wouldn't be traditional enough or fit in with the holy witness we hoped to express.

Obviously, the Scripture and tradition of the Church are still non-negotiables for me, but I've come to a more subtle understanding of cultural and social traditions surrounding weddings--that's to say that while traditional customs like the bride and groom waiting for the ceremony to lay eyes on each other are very sweet and worthy of consideration, I no longer think tradition alone should be reason enough to choose them.  It's good to approach the idea critically, I think, with an understanding that if you don't want to see one another beforehand, it's good not to pursue tradition just for its own sake, and that if you do, it doesn't make you untraditional or somehow violate chastity.  If you're trying to decide whether or not to do a first look, here are a few points to consider in your decision-making.

There is great joy in the anticipation of seeing each other at the altar. Like I said, I treasure the memory of locking eyes with my about-to-be husband when the church doors opened and I walked toward him.  The Church, the Body of Christ, is about communion, and that's a major aspect of the sacraments, whether they are celebrated in communion or whether they draw us (or draw us back) into communion, or both.  It's a privilege for the community to witness the moment the couple first glimpses each other in the fullness of their identities as bride and groom.  I asked a few brides about their experiences, and Jenn said, "because it was the firsts time that day, all the weight of the moment and what we were about to do was felt, and it was kind of like seeing each other for the first time all over again."  So beautiful.  On the other hand…

...A first looks lets you steal a peaceful moment. If there's one thing I wish had been a little different about my wedding day, it's that I literally didn't have one second alone to talk to Andrew or just take in the experience together, until our first dance, at which point we just laughed at the fact we were married, and that we didn't know what to talk about when all eyes were on us dancing!  Everyone tells you your wedding day passes in a blur, and though in some ways mine did, I'm also happy to have crystal-clear memories from quite a few moments during the day.  But driving off from the reception together, at 11 P.M, felt like the first time all day we could sort of absorb everything that happened.  As happy as we were to see each other at the altar, I think that, in hindsight, we would've also really enjoyed having a quieter opportunity to be together and talk before the Mass.  I think if I'd seen Andrew for the second time as the Mass began, I would've been even giddier than I actually was, excited to return to him and knowing not just on a visual level, but an emotional one, what was in store for us.

Your wedding portraits will probably look different if you opt to see each other before the ceremony than if you don't.  Not better or worse!  Just different, because each choice has a different effect on your timeline.  Since most weddings are in the afternoon, and since taking bride and groom and wedding party pictures take a while, most photographers will snap these images before the Mass if the couple decides to do a first look, and after if they don't.  That means a good deal of your portraits will be from the daytime if you choose a first look, and that you might join your guests at the reception sooner than if you stay taking photos after the ceremony for a while.  If you choose to not see each other before the Mass, there will be that bit of extra time for photos in between the ceremony and reception, and your photographer will probably have you duck out of the reception for one or two bride and groom portrait sessions while everyone is dancing and hanging out, wherein you'll end up with more evening or sunset photos.  Regardless of which option you choose, remember that your guests are there to see and celebrate you, and it's polite to keep each sesh relatively short.

 The Rite of Marriage actually prescribes that the couple walk up to the altar together at the start of the Nuptial Mass.  I know!  The USCCB also points out this opportunity (this links to a video; skip to about 9 minutes for more on this).  I actually had never heard of the tradition of bride and groom entering the Mass together until I went to the wedding of two friends who are both Theology scholars and explained in the program that "Processions, as with everything else in the liturgy, are theologically and symbolically rich.  The most important persons of the day come in last: the ministers of the sacrament for which everyone is gathered.  The bride and groom, who confer the sacrament of marriage upon one another, enter the church last and together, signifying the import of their role in today's celebration and their equality as celebrants of the sacrament."

I told you they were scholars.  Basically, the bride and groom aren't the most important peeps of the day just because, you know, it's their wedding, but because they, not the priest, are the ones ministering the sacrament of marriage--it's an entirely different sort of being the center of attention, one where the real attention is on God and his grace.  Anyway, choosing to adhere to this part of the rite and enter the church together sort of necessitates seeing each other beforehand, so incorporating a first look into it is a nice way to celebrate the moments before you walk through the doors.  Kate said she and her husband "wanted to walk down the aisle together because we were both coming together before God and liked the symbolism," and incorporated a first look into the time before the Mass.

Each of these points invites you to consider different aspects of planning out your day, but if you're having trouble deciding, I suggest considering both of your top priorities for your wedding (other than conferring a clutch sacrament, that is).  Is it photography?  Is it making sure you get to spend time with your out-of-state friends?  Is it tradition with respect to the why and how, not just tradition for the sake of tradition?  Above all, I recommend not viewing a first look as a moral question, but one of practicality and your personal preferences--no matter what you choose, I can promise you won't forget that initial glimpse of each other in your wedding outfits and that first time your eyes meet on your wedding day.  Breathe those moments in, bathe in them, remember them.

Are you planning on a first look for your wedding?  Are you not?  I'd love to hear the reasons behind your choices, and if you're already married, stories of your experiences!

Interview with a Catholic Wedding Planner: Andi Compton of Now That's a Party on Pre-Pinterest Wedding Planning, What Not to Forget, and How to Help Your Wedding Coordinator

Never-before-shared fact: I spent the first 20 minutes of my wedding night taking off my makeup and going about my usual, semi-elaborate skincare routine because I forgot to pack the face wipes I bought, specifically for wedding night purposes, in my overnight bag.  Maybe if I'd had a someone to help me keep on top of those details, things would have proceeded differently…

I'm happy for this opportunity to share the tip of, yes, packing an overnight bag, but even more so, I'm thrilled to introduce you to Andi Compton, a wedding planner based in San Diego who works primarily with Catholic couples.  I have such admiration for the fact that in every sense, Andi really did turn her childhood love (wedding collages!) into a thriving business, Now That's a Party, and that her passion for the sacrament of marriage flows from her work directly into her vocation with her husband and kids.  I'll let her take over the storytelling now!

All photos from Andi's event portfolio; photo by Weddings by Chad Cress

By the sound of it, you've loved weddings and had a creative streak for a long time!  How did you get started in this business?

I've been planning parties since my 4th birthday, when I told my parents we were having it at Chuck E. Cheese, and each year my parties got increasingly complex. My parents were very supportive of my ever growing love of crafts: always taking me to the craft store for classes and demos and letting me take over a cabinet (then closet) for all of my craft supplies. I'm sure my parents looooooved it. 

Then, when I was 15, the movie The Wedding Planner came out. I had no idea that people could earn a living getting to help people with parties! This is way before Pinterest, so I would save up my allowance to subscribe to any bridal magazine I could get my hands on and then cut and paste together mock weddings. Soon it was time for college and even though I was accepted and registered in Loyola Marymount's film program, I decided to walk away and stay close to home, which ended up being such a blessing. My craziest job in college was working at Mon Amie, the largest bridal store on the West Coast. I learned so much about the wedding industry and even got to model dresses on the weekends. Win win win! 

In 2006 my husband proposed, we came up with a budget, and I FINALLY got the chance to learn how to put together all the details and ideas I had been reading about for 5 years. After our wedding we were blessed with a bunch of babies (and lots of birthdays to plan!), and I would occasionally help a friend with her wedding.  Soon I was being asked to essentialy coordinate these weddings. Things kept snowballing and I really felt a pull towards making things official with a name, branding, and a website. Then came networking and offering to coordinate styled shoots, where I could get to know other local vendors and build a relationship. And now I get to help couples with their weddings and am also on the committees for a few fundraising galas in my area.

Do you work mostly with Catholic couples, or with others, as well?  Regardless, what, to you, sets a Catholic wedding apart?

The majority of the couples I work with are Catholic, and I would really like that to be my focus. I still work with secular couples, but they are mostly friends of our family or of other friends. 

JESUS is what sets a Catholic wedding apart! Having the body, blood, soul, and divinity of our Lord truly present in the Blessed Sacrament at a wedding is just beyond phenomenal. I mean, heaven is kissing the earth at your wedding! 

As a Catholic bride yourself, do you have any stories of seeing the faith come alive in the couples you've worked with? 

I arrived to the church an hour early before one wedding and just sat and prayed in the Adoration chapel until the wedding party arrived. At that time, I noticed the groom was nervous. I told him to just go and sit in front of our Lord for awhile, and it was so beautiful to see him, his brother, and a friend just praying. 

GPT Photography

Your business, Now That's a Party, offers services from basic wedding day timelines to full-on coordination from start to finish.  What aspects of wedding planning are your brides most surprised by? 

I think the biggest surprises are all the little details that can easily be overlooked- like ordering meals for your vendors (we work better with full stomachs!), packing an overnight bag if you're staying with your new husband in a hotel, identifying who is going to take your gifts home, and thinking about cleanup even though the bride and groom get to skip that part. 

One San Diego wedding I did, for instance, was in a little park overlooking the ocean, and the bride had ordered rose petals. I had to have her look over the regulations the city has, pack a rake for after the ceremony, and schedule the petals into my timeline. For Catholic weddings, many brides don't realize that the Church has restrictions on the type of music that can be used in weddings. It varies parish to parish, but it's super important to remember that it's not "all about you" as the magazines say.  It's still a liturgy, and the music needs to be in line with that.

Brides have so much access to visual inspiration, message boards, and dozens more resources when planning their weddings, often before they even meet their vendors.  As a coordinator, have you noticed pros and cons to this? 
Absolutely! Pinterest can be an awesome tool to visually lay out all your ideas and be exposed to trends and lots of new things. On the flip side, it can make everything seem so overwhelming, almost paralyzing, for some brides, too. The biggest downside for me is having people tell me, "Sorry, this isn't really going to be Pinterest-worthy wedding," as if that were the goal of their wedding. NO! Becoming a Pinterest trend or getting featured on a wedding blog should never be the focus.  People will care about it for maybe a day then move onto the next thing, but the man you're engaged to wants to be your husband for the rest of your life.

True Photography

Obviously, you are there to make a bride and groom's wedding day go as smoothly and memorably as possible.  What's the most helpful thing the couple can do for you, as their planner, before and during the big day? 
Hands down, send me copies of every single contract they have signed with all other vendors and give me the contact info of each vendor, friend, or family member who is planning to be there for setup, as well as who I can contact in case of an emergency. Once I have all of that info, I can contact each person so I know what to expect and can weave together a timeline for each person so we are all on the same page. That timeline is gold on the day of! 

Another huge disadvantage of visual inspiration overload is that often the images we see on Instagram, Pinterest, and blogs are simply unattainable to the average person, but it can tap into our vanity because we want to fit in. Have you noticed that none of the style blogs feature simple receptions in church halls? I've happily coordinated those and let me tell you, the couples are so filled with the grace of the Holy Spirit from their wedding and it is just infectious to all their guests. 

I'd love to hear stories from some of the weddings you've worked on! Are there any particularly profound moments that stand out to you? Any funny or otherwise memorable ones? 
One of the most fun moments at a wedding was when a bride and groom surprised their families with a belly dancing ensemble. One of the groom's cousins came out and played drums with the drummer and everyone there was really into it. They even danced with swords! Another couple went all out in smashing cake into each other's faces. That was rare for me: most couples are nice and don't want to make a mess.

Though I'm 4 years removed from my wedding, writing this blog often calls to mind memories of my engagement and wedding day.  Do you experience something similar?  Does being immersed in weddings and, by extension, marriage, influence your relationship with your husband and family, and vice versa? 

Yes! A big trend I've seen over the past 5-7 years is big, showy proposals. They are featured on blogs, become YouTube trends, and are all over Pinterest. Even though I love my husband, he absolutely did not give me my "dream proposal" and I've had to try really hard to learn humility, accepting the reality of what happened and learning to be grateful for having him in my life. A proposal is all of 5 minutes, but having someone by your side that is constantly choosing to love you in sickness and in health, in bad times and in good…well, that's real love.

Katie Beverley Photography

Any planning tips or secrets you could share with Catholic brides-to-be? 

Before booking any vendors, book your church! Many dioceses require 6-9 months of preparation before the wedding. Each diocese also has different marriage prep requirements (ours has a Pre-Cana day and your choice of Engaged Encounter or Evenings for the Engaged). Also, look into Natural Family Planning. For many, it's the first time they've ever heard of it and learning about the body God gave you is truly empowering.

***

That, friends, is what, to me, sets a Catholic wedding apart; not just in the way that you, as the bride and groom, choose to celebrate the sacrament, but in the fact that you have a choice to support our brothers and sisters when booking your wedding vendors.  Catholic creatives who see their work as a call and a ministry can not only give your day an extra-special spin (I love Andi's story about inviting a groom to kneel before the Blessed Sacrament, and consider that a Catholic photographer will be able to get amazingly meaningful shots during your wedding Mass), but in my opinion, their craft deserves to be honored and seen.  I've been spending a good deal of time on discernment and emails with Jiza and Elissa in the last few weeks, and we are feeling a pull to create a new Catholic wedding site that combines resources for brides with community and marketing for Catholic wedding vendors.  I can't wait to share more as our ideas shape up over the next few months, and in the meantime your prayers are so appreciated.

Andi, thank you infinitely much for sharing your heart, your business, and a few planning secrets!  If you're planning a wedding in the San Diego area and looking for a coordinator, I think it's safe to say you've found your woman.  Be sure to visit Andi and check out her gorgeous work on her website and on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest!

Interview With a Catholic Wedding Photographer: Kate Capato of Visual Grace

About a week ago, I was left awestruck by this article from the Theology of the Body Institute, calling us out of ourselves (and away from our phones!) to walk headlong into beauty, "not as a decorative diversion but an essential need."  A Catholic wedding, with its invitation to grace and beauty through all of our senses, is a profoundly powerful thing.  My friend Jiza and I have been talking about how Catholic wedding vendors, particularly photographers, can capture your Mass, the sacraments, and the chapel in a way others might not.  And, I love the added community aspect of supporting our brothers and sisters as they cultivate their talent.

That being said, I am so excited to introduce Kate Capato of Visual Grace to you today!  She and I have both worked for the same organization, though not at the same time, and have a handful of friends in common though we haven't met face to face.  Truly, everything about Kate's work exudes authenticity and the Theology of the Body; this girl deeply, deeply pursues and understands our unity of body and soul and the heart's ache for beauty.  Through painting, dance, and photography, she strives, through Visual Grace, to "draw the viewer in to ponder what it means to be human."  Truly, I'm amazed and am so grateful for her insights.  Without further ado...

Your business, Visual Grace, has such an amazingly unique mission: beyond just expressing an image on camera or on a canvas, you strive to capture the good, true, and beautiful in your work, and for that beauty to point us to God and reveal our human nature.  First, how did you even come up with something so great like that?  Second, how does that mission come specifically into play when you shoot engagements and weddings?
As an artist, I have been inspired by JP2, particularly his studies known as The Theology of The Body. As I continue in the work of mission and the arts, I see how much beauty can transform hearts. I also see how much we, as a culture, lack in being able to see and receive beauty. My goal became to reveal authentic beauty, which includes revealing what is true and what is good. They all go hand in hand. Visually, this plays out by using what is authentic. In simple ways this plays out in a photo by using natural lighting as much as possible and really sticking to revealing the personality of the couples. 

Do you work exclusively with Catholic couples, families, and individuals in your business? Regardless, what, to you, sets a Catholic wedding apart?
While many of my clients are Catholic, I do not work exclusively with Catholic couples. Catholic weddings, of couples who truly understand what they are doing in committing their lives to one another and becoming one, have such a grace about them. You can see it in their eyes. They stand before one another as a gift to behold. The Ceremony is such an important part to them. While their receptions are also gorgeous, they would never want the Ceremony to be something to move quickly through. They get that the sacrament is the moment of great grace. 

Brides have so much access to visual inspiration when planning their weddings, often before they even meet their vendors.  As a photographer, have you noticed pros and cons to this?
I don't mind this so far. Most couples I have dealt with trust me and, again, are more focused on the joy of the sacrament then having everything specific. Sometimes, I encourage them to look up things they would like to have captured. This helps them visualize for themselves how they would like to reflect back on the day. They have so much to think about so to be honest, I think it has been helpful. 

What's the most helpful thing a couple can do for you as a photographer before and during their wedding day?
Strive to find places with good lighting. Where they get ready, the church, the reception, all of it may be beautiful, but natural lighting is what makes a photo fabulous. Furthermore, account for enough time as possible to allow for the photographer to get the best photos of the couples and bridal party (hopefully outside). 

I'd love to hear stories from some of the weddings you've shot!  Are there any particularly profound moments that stand out to you?  Any funny or otherwise memorable ones? 
For most of a wedding day, I am running around with the camera in front of my face. I get to see a variety of structured days. You get to learn about each couple and what is important to them. I will be shooting a wedding in a few weeks that is a full day with different Masses throughout the day, and the reception is at this really cool camp. I think it will be elegant but really down to earth.  

Recently I flew to Canada to shoot a wedding. I forgot that I would have to figure out all the details in regards to currency and phone differences because it's not AMERICA. Anyway, getting off the plane was like playing Marco Polo to find my ride because I didn't have phone service!

You work for The Culture Project, an organization committed to inspiring and upholding virtue, chastity, human dignity, and a life fully lived through a relationship with Christ.  Does this work influence your art, and vice versa?
Totally. With The Culture Project, I am constantly being formed and speaking on the topics of what is true, good, and beautiful. That being said, I am always learning more about what it means to love and how to share that with others. Love is so gracious and generous, much different then what our society portrays. Society points us to a passionate lust. They make lust a goal, when in all it is actually use. Our desires and passions are not bad; however, there is a much deeper peace and joy in knowing that authentic love thinks of what one can give verses what one will get. The union of two hearts and the deep joy that comes from that is so different from focusing only on the pleasure the other can give you. 

Anything else you'd like to share?  
I am also a dancer and a painter. I really believe that these two art forms greatly influence my photographs, not only the way I take them but how they turn out. I am constantly thinking about composition and how the bodies are facing etc. Really, all the arts go hand in hand. 

Thank you so, so much, Kate!  Visit Kate's website here to drink in her beautiful portfolio, and check out her latest work (and get in touch if you're looking for a photographer!) on Facebook.