What I Would Say To Him: Guest Post from Carolyn

A few weeks ago, I posted a piece from a friend who's borne deep sadness and regret in the wake of getting a divorce and seeking an annulment.  Truly, there is suffering and, God willing, redemption in the brokenness of a marriage that has ended.  

For today, maybe you're reading this from another side of heartbreak; the side of having not yet found the man you'll marry, and the cross of loneliness and dashed hopes.  My friend Carolyn, a gorgeously poetic writer if there ever was one, shared this with me and blew me away.  Maybe you, like me, will recognize pieces of yourself in her wake of a breakup and, like her, will find your peace in the divine lover of your soul--read it all the way to the end--the one who is always, always beside you.

Hey.

I know it's been a while and you think that I may have healed, and you could be right I guess, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I have the strength to become friends again.  Not yet anyway, and I can tell you why.  But first, you need to know how much I miss you and still love you, but it can't be simple anymore.

Why?

You left me when I needed you most.  I must have checked my phone every five minutes up until the plane took off.  Sweet man, that silence was crushing.  I never felt so much like nothing to someone, and i'm sure that was largely because I thought you were everything.  I thought the world of you, sir.  Yeah, that was dumb.  I know that now.  I made so many mistakes, in when I told you, how I told you, but not how I felt for you.  That love will never be a mistake, and that love is still so alive.

I admired those hurricanes you contained, the worlds behind your eyes, and those secrets in the creases of your face.  And yeah, it's effed up that we were our only friend in that small town tucked in the valley of the mountain.  That little place that was founded by my ancestor three hundred years ago, and where I spent Saturday morning brewing your black coffee at the cafe where I worked.  Where we would go out late at night to diners or drive to the nearest city for concerts.  We were safe there.

And now look at us.  After we fell apart, we are not both suddenly living in the same city far away from that small town, and so different from where we became friends.

I'm not going to try to understand our Holy on this one, but because of this, you suddenly want to be friends again.

But what if you leave again.  I don't have the time or the money to fly off to Uganda to allow myself to break.  To hide.  To sit with our Holy and stargaze at foreign constellations south of the equator for hours on end, crying softly with a baby in my arms.  I'm in this foreign city now, where you grew up in the shadows of these skyscrapers.  I'm no longer in my childhood neighborhood where you stole my damn heart.  This city is nearly as foreign to this small town heart as the wilds of Uganda.

Sweet man, how can I believed that if I let you back in my life, you will stay?  And how can you expect me to be close to you again and not be scorched?  How do I know that you won't hurt me again?

I'm okay.  I'm lonely here, yes, and I can't sleep most nights, but this feels right.  Living here.  Don't worry about me because I'm going to be fine.  I'm surrounded by good, wholesome people.  But can you please just answer my texts when I ask if you're happy?  They aren't a trick question.  For once in my life I'm being simple.

But you need to put your fight into something you're passionate about now.  Remember how Eve was all dumb and took on too much, thought she could handle the world on her own?  How I did?  And how Adam was literally right at her side, watching her fall, unmoved, hesitant to act, unwilling to fight?  He saw that she was hurting herself, that she was falling, and he did nothing.  God works through the man and rests in the woman, but we got it backwards, you and me.  Just like they did.

You made it clear when you left that you couldn't find any fight in you.  To keep me, I guess.  It will always hurt knowing this, sure, that I may just never be worth it for you or to you.  Not worth your time or the effort.  And I get that you are worn, but I'm not just here at your convenience.  Hey, I know you need to put your heart first until one day you make that vow on the altar, but sweet man, I have to do that too, and I'm not strong enough to see you just yet.

I learned something in Uganda, though: now I know that I love you enough to let you go.  Not enough to stop praying rosaries each night for your heart, not enough to stop writing your name in my journal, not enough to check chapel tears or this sap or this gnawing in my stomach, not enough to stop gazing at some of those nearby skyscrapers and try and guess which one you may be working gin now.  But enough to let you go.  I can do that.  I promise.  But just let me.

Let me, or fight for me.  It's that simple.  And you don't have to decide right now, but don't drag me into your uncertainty anymore.

I love you sweet man.  And because you don't feel the same, I'm not sure you would have anything to say in response.  If you could say anything.  I'm tired of guessing at your silence, so instead I'll let your silence speak for you.  So go do great things, one of which will not be pursuit of me.  But please just allow me to let you go.

But in this paralyzation, He moves.  It's a rumble at first, but it quickly escalates.  He roars to life, unafraid to show the distance He would go to keep me, to fight for me, to tell me I'm wrong…to save me.  He breaks, through all of this brokenness in a great clamor, a whirlwind, a dashing avalanche.  He tears down the temple wall, cracks through the earth, damns the serpent.  He shivers and shatters and splinters from the depths of His grave, rallies a legion of seraphim, performs out mighty wonders, damns the chains, and in my sweet man's silence, He thunders: YOU ARE WORTH DYING FOR.

Carolyn blogs for and edits The YoungCatholicWoman, "a place of feminine insight into the joy, companionship, frustration, heartache, and autonomy on this beautiful road to Calvary."  They have a sweet magazine and are planning a mission to Costa Rica, and you're invited!  Visit her here.  

Waiting With Mary through Advent and Dating: Guest Post from Brooke

Brooke and I bonded this summer over hearts for ministry and Catholic wedding planning (she dreams of having her own planning business one day!) and the fact that we were wearing the same sandals when we met for coffee.  She's been dating her love, Timothy, since high school, and we've talked about the difficulty of waiting for engagement and marriage when your season in life, namely college, just doesn't make getting engaged the most practical idea for a while.  My story is pretty different; when Andrew proposed, we'd been friends for about a year and a half and boyfriend and girlfriend for only eight months.  So, having come from a different side of dating, I always enjoy and admire stories of couples who have known each other for years before falling in love and who are faced with a significant time of waiting before being able to start their married life together.  Brooke blogs at Something to Behold, where she shares her life as a college senior, her spiritual journey, and her majorly enviable style.  I promise you'll love her site, and her wisdom that follows here:

Advent is all about waiting. But more than that, it is about waiting well. Its funny; I was incredibly resistant to all things Advent this year, and I am just now figuring out why. This Advent was one of my worst as far as my spiritual life goes. My prayer life had no significant changes or increases; I  read zero reflections on the birth of Christ, did zero devotions, and barely even listened to Christmas music. More than just being resistant to getting more seriously into this Advent season, I was resistant to even wanting to try. 

This is new for me.  Usually when I’m at a low point in my spiritual life, I at least want to want it. But almost all of Advent, I’ll be honest and say that I didn’t even want to want Advent. And I think it is precisely because Advent is all about “waiting.” And I am tired of waiting.

Timothy and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary in October. We started dating when we were 16, and by 18, we knew  God was calling us to the vocation of marriage. We’re both 21 now, and on some level it feels like we’ve been waiting since we were 18 for our lives to truly begin. 

Don’t get me wrong. God has been so so good to us over these past four years we’ve been in college and has blessed us with joys and challenges that have helped us grow in so many ways. Still, there is something really hard in knowing what you're called to and then being asked to wait at least 4 years for that to be a reality. And if I’m being really honest with myself, I have not been my best self with waiting for God’s plan to unfold this past semester. I have not been asking God to continue to reveal to me the value in waiting, or to use this time of my life for His greater glory, or to help further prepare Timothy and I’s relationship for the vocation I’m so impatient for. Instead, most of the time I’ve been complaining and begging God to let the waiting be over.

So when Advent came this year and the Church asked me to reflect on what it means to wait, I said “um, no thank you.” It wasn’t until the phrase “We wait with Mary” crept into my mind, in a way I was somehow forced to listen to, that this resistance that I had towards Advent and waiting finally broke down, which occurred two days before Christmas. This phrase reminded me of an Imagination Prayer I once did from a book titled “Quiet Places with Mary.” This particular prayer asked me to imagine what the time between Mary’s Annunciation and Joseph’s Dream must have been like for her. 

Mary had no idea what Joseph’s response would be, what her life would look like, or exactly how God’s plan would unfold. She simply had to wait. And as I sat in this prayer, all I could imagine is that it must have been the presence of Christ in her womb that gave her the strength to wait and to trust in the will of God. At the end of my prayer, I felt Mary pointing me towards the Eucharist. I remember thinking, “If the presence of Christ in the womb of Mary sustained her in her time of waiting, then the presence of Christ in the Eucharist can sustain me.”

Remembering this prayer was exactly what I needed to not completely waste my Advent season. Instead, on the last two days of Advent and now for the rest of this Christmas season, I am remembering the inseparable connection between celebrating the birth of Christ and the Eucharist. Mary, who adored the Body of Christ in her womb, adores Him at every Mass in the Eucharist. She continues to guide us into adoration of her son, not just before the manger scene, but also before every Tabernacle. It is Mary I will continue to turn to as I struggle with this time of my life that feels so characterized by waiting.  By her example, hopefully I can learn what it truly means to “wait well.”

Thanks so much, Brooke!  Any other longtime daters out there?  I'd love to hear your stories and insights into developing a patient heart during times of waiting.

 

What I Wish I'd Known: On Marriage, From a Recently Divorced Perspective

As much as I love sharing happy endings and gushing over wedding details with you, heartbreak is a reality, so here are things taking a more serious turn today. A friend of mine, who requested to stay anonymous, asked if she could share her story. While it might seem like someone whose Catholic marriage is over wouldn't have valuable advice on staying married, she said, she has had the clarity of realizing what habits and actions might have made hers and her husband's relationship different, for the better.

As a recently divorced person who also just finished filling out paperwork for a declaration of nullity, I’ve spent many hours in prayer and shed many tears looking over a dream that didn’t come true. I’ve had to realize that I failed at marriage. Yes, it takes two, but that means that I failed. It would be so easy to blame the failure of the marriage on my former spouse, to list all of the things he did wrong, but that’s not how it works. 

And so, as someone who thought she knew what she was getting into when putting on that white dress all those years ago, I want to share with you what I wish I’d known then. Had I known and acted on these things, my life would have looked very different these past years. That difference might have been in a marriage that was strong, healthy, and founded in grace, or it might have been in calling off the engagement and stepping back to re-evaluate the relationship. I honestly don't know. What I do know is that it would have been different.

So, what do I wish I’d known or done or experienced prior to walking down the aisle?

1. I wish my parents' marriage had been a better example. As a child of divorce, I didn’t see firsthand what it really takes to make a marriage work. And since I didn’t have that, I wish I’d really listened closely to the couple who did our marriage prep, rather than just go through the motions with them. I wish I’d sought out those who’d been married 20, 30, 40 years, sat at their feet, and listened to their experiences. Instead, I thought because I’d seen divorce I knew what not to do and that would be enough.

2. I wish instead of allowing marriage prep to be just another thing to check off the list, someone had expressed to me the importance of it and had insisted on more than one preparatory experience. A few evenings spent with a married couple just wasn’t enough. It was too easy to just put those sessions in a once-a-week box, scramble to get our homework done on the way, and forget about it the rest of the week.

3. I wish instead of just general questions about communication styles and love languages (which ARE important), we’d been pushed to talk about specific issues. Issues in our relationship and in revisiting arguments we’d had; to lay it all out on the table. Sure, we learned how to communicate, but what we didn’t do was communicate about things that had happened before we knew how to do it well. We never really practiced the skills we were being taught.

4. I wish I’d known that as a married couple our job was to get each other to heaven. To be a sign of Christ in the world; to let our love be fruitful in both physical and spiritual ways. I wish we'd had access to good, solid catechesis on marriage and what it was, not just a basic overview. I wish instead of being afraid to speak the Truth of the Church, someone had said, if you are getting married in the Catholic Church, this is what you are saying ‘yes’ to. Learning these things years into marriage was helpful, but also too little, too late.

5. I wish I’d discussed with my former spouse these questions:

1. Did you have any major conflicts or separations during your dating and engaged years? What were they? Were they resolved? If so, how? If not, why not? Given these conflicts and/or separations, why did you still marry?
2. Was there anything about your former spouse that you expected to change after marriage or children? What was it? Why did you expect it to change? Why did you getting married if the behavior or personality trait was present during your engagement?

6. During the marriage, when there were times that I thought we needed counseling or extra help or that the only reason I didn’t ask for a divorce was because I worried about how it would look. At those times, I wish I’d insisted on counseling. I wish I'd insisted on outside help and realized how bad things really were, instead of just moving forward.

7. Finally, I wish someone had told me that when I decided to end the marriage, how frighteningly easy it would be to walk away. That because the foundation wasn’t strong, when the relationship crumbled, it crumbled fast and easy.

I believe marriage is important. The family is the foundation of society. The fact that I'm a statistic of failed marriage, that only serves to weaken society, is a burden I will bear the rest of my life. But, if by sharing what I wish I’d known, perhaps I can strengthen my weak spot and help to strengthen our world as a whole, one bit at a time.

As you prepare for your wedding day, remember it is a marriage you are preparing for, not just a wedding. Spend ten times as much energy focusing on your relationship and the years that will follow your wedding day. All of the beautiful photos in the world mean nothing if they end up being divided up and put into boxes never to be looked at again. By doing the hard work, being vulnerable, admitting your weaknesses and working on them together now, you are building a foundation that will bear the test of time and not crumble away.

I'm grateful for this sobered, humbly real perspective and pray if your past or your relationship has encountered divorce or annulment, that your engagement and coming marriage may be blessed with the graces of purification, self-examination, and redemption in the fullness of the sacrament. After receiving communion, I pray the Anima Christi, and different parts of the prayer stand out to me at different times. The line "within your wounds, hide me," kept coming up in my heart as I edited and prepared this post. Bring your wounds to Jesus' feet, and let blood and water flow from his pierced body, covering you in his loving mercy.

Brides Who've Been There: 10 Ways to Stretch Your Wedding Budget

I'm taking a blogging break to soak up our sweet Lily Grace (and, let's be honest, to keep my head above water through this beautiful newborn chaos), so I asked some of my married friends to contribute in my absence.  Over the next few weeks, they'll be taking over to chat about wedding planning, bridal beauty and style, and sharing stories about their newlywed days. 

For today, I asked them to share their best money-saving tips when it comes to wedding planning:

This is all my husband's amazing efforts: I was still in medical school when we got married. He was already working. He saved his money--our future money--and paid for everything. Our parents helped some, but most expenses were paid for by my husband. We do not have any debt from our wedding day. I am so proud of him. - Sarah

Sarah and her husband Derrick

We had our wedding during the day instead of in the evening.  Venues charge a lot less for daytime receptions!  And don't listen to anyone who tells you people won't have as much fun during the day.  Everyone danced and had a fantastic time at our reception, and it was even more joyful because all the children could participate!  Also, choose a DJ instead of a band and wine and beer instead of cocktails. - Sylvia

Our whole wedding cost about $2500, including the dress.  We only bought a couple of arrangements for the altar and bouquets.  We didn't hire anyone at all for anything--one friend took pictures, another sang for us, and the organist was included in the church stipend.  A few friends and I made the cake, and our families made the food!  We had about 25 guests for lunch.  The reception Hall was free, thanks to my husband's involvement with the Knights of Columbus, and we didn't decorate much.  Now.  Some of those things we chose because we needed to budget, and some for other personal reasons, and I wouldn't recommend all of them.  But I do think it's good to keep it simple; I don't think the style of a wedding reception should be way beyond the means that your family otherwise lives and entertains. - Rachel

The two biggest expenses we saved on were the wedding party's attire and the catering and alcohol bills.  Instead of looking for bridesmaids dresses at wedding stores, I searched online and bought dresses from Shabby Apple.  Because we bulk-ordered for 6 bridesmaids, they gave us a discount, free shipping, returns, and exchanges, and the cost of each dress was way less that it would have been at a place like David's Bridal.  So I definitely recommend looking around for options besides wedding stores--they mark up the price because they know that's where you'll look!  We bought the groomsman suits at J.C. Penney instead of renting tuxes. We also chose a reception venue where we could provide our own catering or alcohol, so we bought our own alcohol, had some friends run the bar, and chose a catering package from a local grocery store--still amazing without shelling out a lot for a fancy package! - Hannah

Hannah and her hubs, David

We made the invitations, programs, centerpieces, table numbers, and name cards ourselves.  Instead of hiring a DJ, we brought a laptop with a dance playlist and had a good friend play DJ.  And I got my dress at a wedding consignment shop for $300! - Anna

We both come from huge families, so there was really no getting around an expensive wedding. The best way (by far) to cut down on wedding expenses is to cut down on guests. And we just weren't willing to do that.  So we saved money where we could -- we ordered our invitations online, we went with the most affordable florist we could find, we chose family friends for our photographer and DJ. We used honey from my husband's beehives for our wedding favors. But we just sucked it up regarding catering costs, and went with a caterer who provided everything, down to the table linens, so we wouldn't have to worry about getting hit with a million little surprises. - Julie 

We didn't have flowers.  It was late December, so anything real would have been not native (aka more expensive), and I really just don't think "flowers" when I think "winter."  Instead of flower bouquets, we had bead bouquets that my mom made by hand.  It was quite time consuming for her, but I'm glad we went that route, and (I think) they looked great.  - Lauren

First, shipping in bulk and looking for wholesale deals saved us tons of money on the little vases we used as escort cards for each guest and on the favor frames we gave each family. Second, I worked at a bridal store at the time, so I got an amazing discount on my dress. Third, print things yourself. I love graphic design and stationary so I had a great time designing programs, table numbers, escort cards, and menus. Some things I had printed at my trusted neighborhood print shop (like the programs because they were able to add the cardstock cover and staple them for me- timesaver!), and the rest I printed at home. Don't skimp on a paper cutter if you go this route because a bad one will make the job miserable. Fourth, I used Nashville Wraps to get bulk pricing on all the wrapping for the two favors we had. I STILL use the black and white polka dot wrapping paper we used for our favors because the roll I got was humongous. And last!  I ordered 50 less slices of cake than we thought we needed, but had the baker turn two small layers of the cake into fake layers. Yay styrofoam! It was still too much cake. I have never seen a shortage of cake at weddings. - Andi

Andi's wedding cake, with fake foam layers!

Friends shared their talents and offered them as wedding gifts.  For example, my maid-of-honor's mother is an incredible seamstress, so she made all the bridesmaid dresses, the ring pillow, and the flower girl's dress.  That was my wedding gift from her.  A family friend was an excellent decorator, so she made all the flower arrangements and corsages as our wedding gift.  In high school, I worked for a sandwich shop and my old boss catered the whole wedding as my gift.  All the musicians were family friends or church members.  This really made our wedding feel very personal and special, because everyone gifted us by using their amazing talents.  - Amy 

We'd planned to do a wedding slideshow, and I got it done a couple days before the wedding and sent it to the DJ. He emailed me back to ask if we'd rented a projector for the slideshow. A projector? No, I hadn't even thought of that/ The church wouldn't let us use theirs, and on the Friday before a wedding, none of the rental places in town had a projector available. So my husband-to-be bought a projector at BestBuy. After the honeymoon, he took it back to BestBuy and honestly told the returns agent, "My wife said I spent too much money on this." - Bonnie

Your turn!  Leave your best wedding moneysaving tip in the comments!

The Ultimate Fiance Gift Guide: Guest Post from Elise!

Elise and I are natives of the same state and have discovered through our email friendship that we have a ton of friends and experiences in common.  Somehow, and despite our best efforts, we have yet to meet in person…here's to changing that in 2016.  Elise is a grad student who does freelance media and branding marketing, and just one glance at her blog, Anchored Hope, shows how legit she is.  I have such admiration for Elise's love of the good, true, and beautiful, her amazing wardrobe, her podcast, Caritas, and the fact that through her work and storytelling, she really acts as a missionary of beauty.  She and her fiancé, Hunter, are planning their wedding, and today she, with her excellent taste, is sharing her gift picks for your sweetheart!

Being engaged during the holiday season is so much fun!As a couple, you are slowly building your lives together,which means you might be spending the holidays with each other for the first time. It’s also a romantic time of year where you can drink hot cocoa by the fire, steal a kiss under some mistletoe and maybe even skip around the city viewing your favorite Christmas trees.

My love language is gift giving so I always have so much fun picking out a present for my own fiancé each Christmas. Looking to gift your man with something personal and fun? Here are some of my favorites that I’ve gifted Hunter in the past and some ideas for the future:



1. Experience gifts: My guy loves adventure and I’m sure he’s not the only man who does. Find a relatively inexpensive experience gift for your guy that you can both do together. It could be something as simple as ice skating or hiking and a picnic. You could even plan a day trip to a nearby town or city for a day of adventure. Groupon has great deals for this type of gift!

2. Icons: The Byzantine Catholics understand icons as windows into heaven.  What a beautiful reminder for your man to have on his desk or beside his bed. These or these icons are great options.

3. Quality Flannel: This shirt is awesome and so versatile. Your fiancé can wear it out, as comfy pjs, camping or for yard work. The possibilities are endless and he’ll get so much use out of it!

4. Grooming Supplies: Even guys like a little pampering now and then. I gifted my fiancé with a straight razor for his birthday this year and I’m pretty sure he’s in love with it. Even if your man doesn’t want to wade into straight razor territory, he’ll love a safety razor that he doesn’t have to throw away after a few uses. He can spiffy up his routine with a shaving brush and fancy shaving cream. It’s an investment, but one that is totally worth every penny in the long run.

5. Books: The gift of knowledge is always valued! Help your fiancé delve deeper into his faith with some of these amazing reads: one, two, three, four, five.

6. A Pocket Knife: I was nervous to suggest this one but my fiancé (and brothers) insisted! Apparently, it’s a necessity. This one is sturdy and affordable.

7. Rosaries: This website has a great selection of themed rosaries, from the Sacred Heart of Jesus Rosary to the St. Benedict Medal Rosary.

8. Guy’s Night Essentials: Equip your man with fun things for a night with the guys: Do It yourself Beef Jerk kit, Fish flask, Drinking with the Saints: The Sinner’s Guide to a Holy Happy Hour, Diamond Whiskey Glasses, Geometric Drink Rocks
 I hope you find something meaningful and exciting for your fiancé this Christmas!   

xoxo,

Elise

@elisecrawford

anchoredhopeblog.com

How about you?  Any surprises up your sleeve that you're especially excited to give this year?  

6 Tips for a More Peaceful Engagement: Introducing the Brides Who've Been There Q+A Series!

I'm taking a blogging break to soak up our sweet Lily Grace (and, let's be honest, to keep my head above water through this beautiful newborn chaos), so I asked some of my married friends to contribute in my absence.  Over the next few weeks, they'll be taking over to chat about wedding planning, bridal beauty and style, and sharing stories about their newlywed days, so with that I introduce to you the Brides Who've Been There Series!

First up, I asked these ladies what they wish they'd known about cultivating peace during their engagements.

Take breaks from talking wedding.  Since we were dating long-distance for the duration of our relationship, it was tough feeling pressure to cross lots of items off our to-do lists every time we were together.  Taking mental breaks really helps for staying grounded in the relationship that's bigger than just one day's events.  - Lauren

Lauren & Alex

If you have other friends and family members that are engaged, it can be so much fun to swap ideas, read magazines, and go to tastings and dress fittings together.  Don't let it be about whose wedding is "better;" really try to enjoy this special time in your lives.  - Andi

If you're trying to plan the Pinterest-perfect wedding, you'll probably end up disappointed.  Try to stay flexible and keep the big picture in mind--the main event is not the wedding, but years of a fruitful marriage that you have ahead of you. - Anna

Anna & Alex

You've probably already heard it, but don't sweat the small stuff.  I'm a year and a half out from my own wedding and can barely tell you what the centerpieces were, but I can tell you they sparked a sizable argument.  Focus on building a marriage, not just a wedding day.  - Amanda

There is so much to do to prepare for the wedding, and our culture offers a view of the celebration that is almost entirely materialistic.  But, the reality is that internal preparation is much more important than external details.  You are preparing to join your life with another human being.  You are preparing to have children together.  You are preparing to join hands, come what may.  That is huge and amazing and very sobering.  So to whatever degree you're able, give as much of the wedding prep work to those you trust and focus on keeping a quiet heart and mind.  I was able to delegate much of my planning to my three sisters, who were thrilled to help, while my future husband and I did our best to go to daily Mass together.  We prayed nine novenas, back to back, in the final 81 days before our wedding, asking the intercession of married saints like Louis and Zelie Martin, the Quatrocchis, and Anne and Joachim.  Our engagement ended up feeling like a deeply holy, silent time of preparing to enter into the grace of the sacrament. - Katie R.

Katie and her husband Devin prayed the Rosary with all of their guests before the Mass!

Looking back, there were so many details I handled on my own instead of asking for help.  My bridesmaids, who were my best friends, would have and could have happily stepped in; more importantly, I could've turned to my mother, but I left many people close to my heart out my planning because I didn't want to be a burden.  I wish I could go back and tell that girl her family and friends wanted to be involved, wanted to help her along the preparation path.  Wedding planning doesn't have to be stressful.  And our engagement would have been much more peaceful if I had prayed more.  Because I was a senior at Benedictine College when I was engaged, I literally lived down the hall from an Adoration chapel and could have spent time with Christ any hour of the day or night.  I was full of good intentions, but not as much follow-through.  I am grateful, though, that we started praying together while we were dating and continued through our engagement.  Stepping into the biggest decision of our lives, we needed as much grace as possible! - Katie S.

Thanks so much, ladies!  Tell me; what's been the biggest struggle of your engaged life so far, and how have you pursued a sense of peace?

Comfort Food and Finding Our Family Recipes: Guesting at Raising Barnes

While Emily at Raising Barnes is taking a few weeks off from blogging to cuddle her sweet new baby George, she's compiled a smorgasbord of recipes, and the stories behind them, in a Blogger Family Cookbook!  I'm honored to help her out and share with you my favorite chicken noodle soup, featuring a surprise ingredient.  Plus, links to a couple of our other true blues.

I was so excited when Emily described this series to me as a combination of food and stories.  Now that I am a wife and mom, I love coming across a recipe we enjoy enough to add to our permanent rotation--in other words, one where we feel like we don't have to keep chasing the perfect recipe for a certain dish…Read the rest of the post, and get the recipe, here!

Thanks so much, Emily!   While you're at it, be sure to check out the rest of the contributions, and join me in praying for Emily, her hubs Alex, and their boys as they adjust to being a family of four!

What about you?  Any tried and true favorites that have become a part of your life together?

INVITED, Uncovered: A Book Announcement

I'm thrilled to tell you that my book, INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner, now has an official cover!  Next week on October 22, the feast of my ultimate homes, Pope St. John Paul II, I'll be sharing it on Facebook and Instagram first!  Follow along here and here, and stay tuned for the blog reveal the following week.

Meantime, my sweet not-such-a-baby Aaron is two today.  How (you can read his birth story here)?  With that, off I go to spend the morning with him and bake lasagna and pumpkin muffins, my attempt to mildly deprive my child of sugar and, hopefully, of birthday meltdowns.  Enjoy the weekend!