The End…and the Beginning

Have you heard? I am so, so proud to share with you that my new ministry and website, SPOKEN BRIDE, launched yesterday! Click on over to read more about our mission, see our first wedding feature (the photo below is a preview), and find out about how you can submit your wedding and writing for our site. If you're a Catholic wedding vendor, applications are open for our Vendor Guide and we'd love to see your work! And don't forget to follow along on Facebook and Instagram and to tag your wedding and those you attend with #spokenbride so we can see and share in your witness.

Photo Credit: Maison Everett

And that, friends, brings me to my last post here, at least for now. From now on I'll be writing over at SPOKEN, and I hope you'll join me there. All the wedding content, husband-gushing, spiritual reflections, love stories, and baby news that've accumulated here over the last four years is here on Captive the Heart to stay, and I hope the About, Book, and Spoken Bride tabs in the menu give you a clear roadmap to whatever Catholic wedding needs you have. If they don't, or if you just want to chat, I'd love to hear from you at stephanie@spokenbride.com. Truly!

I've been putting off writing this, trying to come up with something at least moderately reflective about what my life was like when I started this blog compared to what it's like now, but I think I said it already in last week's post on Mother Teresa's spousal love for Christ. It feels fitting to be wrapping up this site on the Feast of the Visitation, a day when two women deeply, giddily, profoundly rejoiced in each others' happiness. I've loved the community you helped me create here and have been so happy becoming real-life friends and email and social media correspondents with you, hearing about your engagements and wedding days and seeing the pictures, and praying with you as a sister through the better and the worse. Thank you, thank you, thank you, and this isn't goodbye!

Venerable Fulton Sheen's Three to Get Married gave this blog its name. As I flipped through it again recently for the first time since I was engaged six years ago, this passage captured me in its description of heady romance come back down to earth, resolute in sacrifice and fidelity while still loving and remembering that initial glow and looking forward to the future. It suits my season in life right now, and I think it also suits this time of transition:

Every great thing begins with a dream, whether it be that of the engineer who plans a bridge or of the heart that plans a home. The soul draws upon its infinity and colors it with the gold of paradise. No one ever climbs to the heavens without passing through the clouds. This foretaste of heaven is good, and even heaven-sent. It is the advance agent of heaven, telling the heart of that real happiness that lies ahead. Actually, it is bait, a blueprint, a John the Baptist, an announcer telling of the program to come.

Here's to the future, here's to Spoken Bride, and here's to you, my beautiful sisters. I fully expect to hear from you soon, and until then I'll meet you in the Eucharist.

My New Catholic Wedding Project: Introducing Spoken Bride

If things have been a little quiet around here lately, it's because I've been working on a project that's been in the works for almost a year.  I'm thrilled to introduce you to SPOKEN BRIDE, a new website that combines lifestyle articles for brides and newlyweds, visual inspiration from jaw-dropping real Catholic weddings, and community for Catholic wedding vendors.

Last summer, my friends Jiza, Elissa (she took that gorgeous image above from Maura of Made In His Image's wedding!) and I started talking about what a need there is to foster connections between Catholic wedding photographers, planners, and designers in order to help them find clients who appreciate their fire for the sacrament of marriage, as well as the need for a resource that provides visually beautiful images and inspiration on par with the culture's wedding sites, yet made deeper and truer with spiritual richness.  A few weeks ago, our friend Andi joined us, and things have been rolling, and rolling fast, since then.  SPOKEN BRIDE launches May 31, the Feast of the Visitation, to close the month of Our Lady with a nod to her identity as the purest, most humble, obedient, radiant bride, in the best sense of the words.

I couldn't be happier that this dream, a long time coming, now has some real internet roots, and we have high hopes for SPOKEN becoming a distinctive, noted resource for lots of brides.  Read more about us and about our mission here.  Meantime, I'll still be posting here, at least through the end of May, and am currently discerning how SPOKEN and Captive the Heart will intersect.

Want to get involved?  This community will be dependent on submissions and involvement from y'all, so we'd love to have you!

• If you're engaged or newlywed, find info about submitting your wedding or engagement shoot here.
• If you're a photographer or other wedding vendor, click here for more on joining our Vendor Guide and having your work and your business featured on the site and in our forthcoming directory for brides.
• Do you have an article idea?  Deets on submitting written work are here.

Please pray for us as we start this ministry and share it with your friends, ministry partners, and fellow vendors and creatives!  I hope you'll join me!

The Truth of Discernment and Vocation: Guest Post from Jiza

Jiza and I connected a few years ago when I was doing this every Sunday.  We found out we had a few friends in common from the Theology of the Body Institute, as well as shared hearts for ministry through beauty and Marian devotion.  I'm so inspired by her quietly devout spirituality and her artistic flair.  She and I have a new project in the works that I can't wait to share with you soon!  Meantime, please pray for our creative process as our project gets underway, check out Jiza's gorgeous photography business, Olive & Cypress (where you'll find more of her reflections), and enjoy this here piece of her heart.  I asked her to share some of her love story and spiritual journey; read on for her beautiful insights into walking the path to your vocation.

“My God, since I am not worthy to be Your Spouse like my sister, I shall enter the married state to accomplish Your holy will...” – Saint Zelie Martin, Mother of Saint Therese of Lisieux

Much like Saint Zelie, I had originally thought I was called to be a religious sister.  Throughout my years of college undergrad, I had mentally prepared for the day I would enter & start my postulancy after finally receiving my degree in psychology. However, as my entrance date drew near, the numerous doors started to close, and like most college students, I began the typical journey of looking for a job and living a life as a young professional.

In the summer of 2008, I was a volunteer photographer for the Bike for Life Pilgrimage in the Diocese of Raleigh, North Carolina. It was a peaceful 2 weeks, but my future was still heavy upon my heart. I had just been through a failed dating relationship, was getting ready to quit my job as a special education itinerant in VA, and was eagerly awaiting a reply on an internship application for the Theology of the Body Institute in Exton, PA. As far as I knew, my life at the time was looking really unknown.

The pilgrimage ended on Feast of the Assumption, August 15, at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, D.C. As the pilgrims were preparing to go our separate ways and back into everyday lives, Fr. Lawrence, a then newly ordained priest with the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, asked me if he could pray for me and if I had any intentions. I replied very matter-of-factly: “I thought I was called to be a religious. And then I had a dating relationship and that didn’t work out either. I don’t know what God is calling me to do anymore.”

He replied, “Entrust everything to Our Lady. Place it in the hands of Mary and she will open doors. She always leads us to Christ and to God’s Will.” “Entrust everything to Mary,” he kept repeating. Then he paused and looked at me intently and said “And I have a feeling that you will find out what that is very soon.”

I did just that, and well… Fr. Lawrence was right. A couple of weeks later, I soon met my husband, Mark. Actually, we were re-aquatinted online (via-CatholicMatch.com) but we had originally met at a Theology on Tap just a couple of months beforehand. We had a prayerful courtship while he finished his final year at the United States Naval Academy and during my internship at the Theology of the Body Institute. That early January we were engaged.

Later that month, I bumped into Fr. Lawrence at the annual March for Life in Washington D.C. When I spotted him, I quickly ran to him and asked him if he had remembered the advice he had given me. He said “Yes! How is that going for you?” I eagerly threw up my left hand and yelled “I’m engaged!” After a congratulations and a hug, he then asked me “So, when is the wedding?” Without a thought, I blurted “August 15”, a date that Mark and I had mindlessly and quickly decided on the day before due to his deployment schedule. 

“That’s the Feast of the Assumption. Exactly a year from when I told you to entrust everything to Our Lady,” Fr. Lawrence said.

In a crowd with millions of people on the way to the Capitol Building, a silence fell upon me and Fr. Lawrence in that moment. We just stood there, stunned. Then the tears of joy started to well up in both of our eyes along with a burst of laughter.

I honestly don’t remember how Fr. Lawrence and I parted ways that day. I want to say that our original groups that we were accompanying for the March had caught up to us. However, what I do remember is the peace that overcame me and that never left me. I wasn’t searching for a confirmation or a sign regarding my vocation to the married life with Mark because the peace and the knowing was already there. However, God gave me one anyways. Perhaps because He knew I would often look back at that moment to reflect on His Love for me and the intricate part that Mary, with her Immaculate Heart full of love, always desires to point us to her Son, Jesus.

Today, younger women will sometimes ask me how I discerned my vocation. Bill Donaghy of the Theology of the Body Institute said it best, in that “The truth of vocation is that it’s a dialogue, not a monologue. A dance more than a cold directive.”  In the beginning, my vocation discernment was overzealous and self-centered. I was blind in the fact that I just wanted God to dictate to me what He wanted, rather than what I should have been doing all along, which was--is--to surrender myself daily in love to Him, and with a willingness and docility to grow in my relationship with Him.

Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being (St. John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, n. 11). Vocations are “peculiar to persons, and the very concept takes us into a very interesting and profound area of man’s interior life… A person who has a vocation must not only love someone but be prepared to give himself or herself for love… ‘What is my vocation’ means ‘in what direction should my personality develop, considering what I have in me, what I have to offer, and what others – other people and God – expect of me?’” (St. John Paul II, Love & Responsibility, p. 256).

Sometimes, I wish I could go back and tell my 22 year old self to not be so easily disheartened, assuming that she would have been willing to listen. However, I also know that my conversation with Fr. Lawrence on that faithful day was the catalyst for me realizing that my vocation is not about me, but about something greater than me. It is about Love and Love itself.

Entrust everything to Mary.

Thanks so much, Jiza!  Feeling inspired by her total surrender to Our Lady? If you missed it, click here for a roundup of Marian posts.  Have a wonderful weekend; I'd love to know what you're up to!

Brides Who've Been There: 10 Ways to Stretch Your Wedding Budget

I'm taking a blogging break to soak up our sweet Lily Grace (and, let's be honest, to keep my head above water through this beautiful newborn chaos), so I asked some of my married friends to contribute in my absence.  Over the next few weeks, they'll be taking over to chat about wedding planning, bridal beauty and style, and sharing stories about their newlywed days. 

For today, I asked them to share their best money-saving tips when it comes to wedding planning:

This is all my husband's amazing efforts: I was still in medical school when we got married. He was already working. He saved his money--our future money--and paid for everything. Our parents helped some, but most expenses were paid for by my husband. We do not have any debt from our wedding day. I am so proud of him. - Sarah

Sarah and her husband Derrick

We had our wedding during the day instead of in the evening.  Venues charge a lot less for daytime receptions!  And don't listen to anyone who tells you people won't have as much fun during the day.  Everyone danced and had a fantastic time at our reception, and it was even more joyful because all the children could participate!  Also, choose a DJ instead of a band and wine and beer instead of cocktails. - Sylvia

Our whole wedding cost about $2500, including the dress.  We only bought a couple of arrangements for the altar and bouquets.  We didn't hire anyone at all for anything--one friend took pictures, another sang for us, and the organist was included in the church stipend.  A few friends and I made the cake, and our families made the food!  We had about 25 guests for lunch.  The reception Hall was free, thanks to my husband's involvement with the Knights of Columbus, and we didn't decorate much.  Now.  Some of those things we chose because we needed to budget, and some for other personal reasons, and I wouldn't recommend all of them.  But I do think it's good to keep it simple; I don't think the style of a wedding reception should be way beyond the means that your family otherwise lives and entertains. - Rachel

The two biggest expenses we saved on were the wedding party's attire and the catering and alcohol bills.  Instead of looking for bridesmaids dresses at wedding stores, I searched online and bought dresses from Shabby Apple.  Because we bulk-ordered for 6 bridesmaids, they gave us a discount, free shipping, returns, and exchanges, and the cost of each dress was way less that it would have been at a place like David's Bridal.  So I definitely recommend looking around for options besides wedding stores--they mark up the price because they know that's where you'll look!  We bought the groomsman suits at J.C. Penney instead of renting tuxes. We also chose a reception venue where we could provide our own catering or alcohol, so we bought our own alcohol, had some friends run the bar, and chose a catering package from a local grocery store--still amazing without shelling out a lot for a fancy package! - Hannah

Hannah and her hubs, David

We made the invitations, programs, centerpieces, table numbers, and name cards ourselves.  Instead of hiring a DJ, we brought a laptop with a dance playlist and had a good friend play DJ.  And I got my dress at a wedding consignment shop for $300! - Anna

We both come from huge families, so there was really no getting around an expensive wedding. The best way (by far) to cut down on wedding expenses is to cut down on guests. And we just weren't willing to do that.  So we saved money where we could -- we ordered our invitations online, we went with the most affordable florist we could find, we chose family friends for our photographer and DJ. We used honey from my husband's beehives for our wedding favors. But we just sucked it up regarding catering costs, and went with a caterer who provided everything, down to the table linens, so we wouldn't have to worry about getting hit with a million little surprises. - Julie 

We didn't have flowers.  It was late December, so anything real would have been not native (aka more expensive), and I really just don't think "flowers" when I think "winter."  Instead of flower bouquets, we had bead bouquets that my mom made by hand.  It was quite time consuming for her, but I'm glad we went that route, and (I think) they looked great.  - Lauren

First, shipping in bulk and looking for wholesale deals saved us tons of money on the little vases we used as escort cards for each guest and on the favor frames we gave each family. Second, I worked at a bridal store at the time, so I got an amazing discount on my dress. Third, print things yourself. I love graphic design and stationary so I had a great time designing programs, table numbers, escort cards, and menus. Some things I had printed at my trusted neighborhood print shop (like the programs because they were able to add the cardstock cover and staple them for me- timesaver!), and the rest I printed at home. Don't skimp on a paper cutter if you go this route because a bad one will make the job miserable. Fourth, I used Nashville Wraps to get bulk pricing on all the wrapping for the two favors we had. I STILL use the black and white polka dot wrapping paper we used for our favors because the roll I got was humongous. And last!  I ordered 50 less slices of cake than we thought we needed, but had the baker turn two small layers of the cake into fake layers. Yay styrofoam! It was still too much cake. I have never seen a shortage of cake at weddings. - Andi

Andi's wedding cake, with fake foam layers!

Friends shared their talents and offered them as wedding gifts.  For example, my maid-of-honor's mother is an incredible seamstress, so she made all the bridesmaid dresses, the ring pillow, and the flower girl's dress.  That was my wedding gift from her.  A family friend was an excellent decorator, so she made all the flower arrangements and corsages as our wedding gift.  In high school, I worked for a sandwich shop and my old boss catered the whole wedding as my gift.  All the musicians were family friends or church members.  This really made our wedding feel very personal and special, because everyone gifted us by using their amazing talents.  - Amy 

We'd planned to do a wedding slideshow, and I got it done a couple days before the wedding and sent it to the DJ. He emailed me back to ask if we'd rented a projector for the slideshow. A projector? No, I hadn't even thought of that/ The church wouldn't let us use theirs, and on the Friday before a wedding, none of the rental places in town had a projector available. So my husband-to-be bought a projector at BestBuy. After the honeymoon, he took it back to BestBuy and honestly told the returns agent, "My wife said I spent too much money on this." - Bonnie

Your turn!  Leave your best wedding moneysaving tip in the comments!

Interview with a Catholic Wedding Planner: Andi Compton of Now That's a Party on Pre-Pinterest Wedding Planning, What Not to Forget, and How to Help Your Wedding Coordinator

Never-before-shared fact: I spent the first 20 minutes of my wedding night taking off my makeup and going about my usual, semi-elaborate skincare routine because I forgot to pack the face wipes I bought, specifically for wedding night purposes, in my overnight bag.  Maybe if I'd had a someone to help me keep on top of those details, things would have proceeded differently…

I'm happy for this opportunity to share the tip of, yes, packing an overnight bag, but even more so, I'm thrilled to introduce you to Andi Compton, a wedding planner based in San Diego who works primarily with Catholic couples.  I have such admiration for the fact that in every sense, Andi really did turn her childhood love (wedding collages!) into a thriving business, Now That's a Party, and that her passion for the sacrament of marriage flows from her work directly into her vocation with her husband and kids.  I'll let her take over the storytelling now!

All photos from Andi's event portfolio; photo by Weddings by Chad Cress

By the sound of it, you've loved weddings and had a creative streak for a long time!  How did you get started in this business?

I've been planning parties since my 4th birthday, when I told my parents we were having it at Chuck E. Cheese, and each year my parties got increasingly complex. My parents were very supportive of my ever growing love of crafts: always taking me to the craft store for classes and demos and letting me take over a cabinet (then closet) for all of my craft supplies. I'm sure my parents looooooved it. 

Then, when I was 15, the movie The Wedding Planner came out. I had no idea that people could earn a living getting to help people with parties! This is way before Pinterest, so I would save up my allowance to subscribe to any bridal magazine I could get my hands on and then cut and paste together mock weddings. Soon it was time for college and even though I was accepted and registered in Loyola Marymount's film program, I decided to walk away and stay close to home, which ended up being such a blessing. My craziest job in college was working at Mon Amie, the largest bridal store on the West Coast. I learned so much about the wedding industry and even got to model dresses on the weekends. Win win win! 

In 2006 my husband proposed, we came up with a budget, and I FINALLY got the chance to learn how to put together all the details and ideas I had been reading about for 5 years. After our wedding we were blessed with a bunch of babies (and lots of birthdays to plan!), and I would occasionally help a friend with her wedding.  Soon I was being asked to essentialy coordinate these weddings. Things kept snowballing and I really felt a pull towards making things official with a name, branding, and a website. Then came networking and offering to coordinate styled shoots, where I could get to know other local vendors and build a relationship. And now I get to help couples with their weddings and am also on the committees for a few fundraising galas in my area.

Do you work mostly with Catholic couples, or with others, as well?  Regardless, what, to you, sets a Catholic wedding apart?

The majority of the couples I work with are Catholic, and I would really like that to be my focus. I still work with secular couples, but they are mostly friends of our family or of other friends. 

JESUS is what sets a Catholic wedding apart! Having the body, blood, soul, and divinity of our Lord truly present in the Blessed Sacrament at a wedding is just beyond phenomenal. I mean, heaven is kissing the earth at your wedding! 

As a Catholic bride yourself, do you have any stories of seeing the faith come alive in the couples you've worked with? 

I arrived to the church an hour early before one wedding and just sat and prayed in the Adoration chapel until the wedding party arrived. At that time, I noticed the groom was nervous. I told him to just go and sit in front of our Lord for awhile, and it was so beautiful to see him, his brother, and a friend just praying. 

GPT Photography

Your business, Now That's a Party, offers services from basic wedding day timelines to full-on coordination from start to finish.  What aspects of wedding planning are your brides most surprised by? 

I think the biggest surprises are all the little details that can easily be overlooked- like ordering meals for your vendors (we work better with full stomachs!), packing an overnight bag if you're staying with your new husband in a hotel, identifying who is going to take your gifts home, and thinking about cleanup even though the bride and groom get to skip that part. 

One San Diego wedding I did, for instance, was in a little park overlooking the ocean, and the bride had ordered rose petals. I had to have her look over the regulations the city has, pack a rake for after the ceremony, and schedule the petals into my timeline. For Catholic weddings, many brides don't realize that the Church has restrictions on the type of music that can be used in weddings. It varies parish to parish, but it's super important to remember that it's not "all about you" as the magazines say.  It's still a liturgy, and the music needs to be in line with that.

Brides have so much access to visual inspiration, message boards, and dozens more resources when planning their weddings, often before they even meet their vendors.  As a coordinator, have you noticed pros and cons to this? 
Absolutely! Pinterest can be an awesome tool to visually lay out all your ideas and be exposed to trends and lots of new things. On the flip side, it can make everything seem so overwhelming, almost paralyzing, for some brides, too. The biggest downside for me is having people tell me, "Sorry, this isn't really going to be Pinterest-worthy wedding," as if that were the goal of their wedding. NO! Becoming a Pinterest trend or getting featured on a wedding blog should never be the focus.  People will care about it for maybe a day then move onto the next thing, but the man you're engaged to wants to be your husband for the rest of your life.

True Photography

Obviously, you are there to make a bride and groom's wedding day go as smoothly and memorably as possible.  What's the most helpful thing the couple can do for you, as their planner, before and during the big day? 
Hands down, send me copies of every single contract they have signed with all other vendors and give me the contact info of each vendor, friend, or family member who is planning to be there for setup, as well as who I can contact in case of an emergency. Once I have all of that info, I can contact each person so I know what to expect and can weave together a timeline for each person so we are all on the same page. That timeline is gold on the day of! 

Another huge disadvantage of visual inspiration overload is that often the images we see on Instagram, Pinterest, and blogs are simply unattainable to the average person, but it can tap into our vanity because we want to fit in. Have you noticed that none of the style blogs feature simple receptions in church halls? I've happily coordinated those and let me tell you, the couples are so filled with the grace of the Holy Spirit from their wedding and it is just infectious to all their guests. 

I'd love to hear stories from some of the weddings you've worked on! Are there any particularly profound moments that stand out to you? Any funny or otherwise memorable ones? 
One of the most fun moments at a wedding was when a bride and groom surprised their families with a belly dancing ensemble. One of the groom's cousins came out and played drums with the drummer and everyone there was really into it. They even danced with swords! Another couple went all out in smashing cake into each other's faces. That was rare for me: most couples are nice and don't want to make a mess.

Though I'm 4 years removed from my wedding, writing this blog often calls to mind memories of my engagement and wedding day.  Do you experience something similar?  Does being immersed in weddings and, by extension, marriage, influence your relationship with your husband and family, and vice versa? 

Yes! A big trend I've seen over the past 5-7 years is big, showy proposals. They are featured on blogs, become YouTube trends, and are all over Pinterest. Even though I love my husband, he absolutely did not give me my "dream proposal" and I've had to try really hard to learn humility, accepting the reality of what happened and learning to be grateful for having him in my life. A proposal is all of 5 minutes, but having someone by your side that is constantly choosing to love you in sickness and in health, in bad times and in good…well, that's real love.

Katie Beverley Photography

Any planning tips or secrets you could share with Catholic brides-to-be? 

Before booking any vendors, book your church! Many dioceses require 6-9 months of preparation before the wedding. Each diocese also has different marriage prep requirements (ours has a Pre-Cana day and your choice of Engaged Encounter or Evenings for the Engaged). Also, look into Natural Family Planning. For many, it's the first time they've ever heard of it and learning about the body God gave you is truly empowering.

***

That, friends, is what, to me, sets a Catholic wedding apart; not just in the way that you, as the bride and groom, choose to celebrate the sacrament, but in the fact that you have a choice to support our brothers and sisters when booking your wedding vendors.  Catholic creatives who see their work as a call and a ministry can not only give your day an extra-special spin (I love Andi's story about inviting a groom to kneel before the Blessed Sacrament, and consider that a Catholic photographer will be able to get amazingly meaningful shots during your wedding Mass), but in my opinion, their craft deserves to be honored and seen.  I've been spending a good deal of time on discernment and emails with Jiza and Elissa in the last few weeks, and we are feeling a pull to create a new Catholic wedding site that combines resources for brides with community and marketing for Catholic wedding vendors.  I can't wait to share more as our ideas shape up over the next few months, and in the meantime your prayers are so appreciated.

Andi, thank you infinitely much for sharing your heart, your business, and a few planning secrets!  If you're planning a wedding in the San Diego area and looking for a coordinator, I think it's safe to say you've found your woman.  Be sure to visit Andi and check out her gorgeous work on her website and on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest!