The Rosary for Engagement and Marriage: a Free eBook and a Thank You

If you'll oblige me with some clickin' today, I have a gift for you!  Pauline Books puts together a lead page for each of its new releases, and usually offers a preview of the upcoming book or some other little extra as a thank you to readers who visit the page or are generally interested.  As we were putting together mine, I was asked what sort of extra I wanted to offer.  I suggested a customizable download of the sample wedding program included in INVITED since my wedding program was such a source of stress, but, oops, they couldn't give away too much of the best book content.  I debated writing a little something about how I chose my wedding dress or my first dance, or specific ways we saved money.  But that all sounded so...me.  I don't want this project to be about me; I want it to be about you, your relationship, and your wedding.  Your path to holiness.

So instead, I eventually came up with the idea of writing a short prayer book for couples to use during their engagement and later in their marriage. I told Andrew about it, and he suggested writing prayers to accompany the Rosary.  The Rosary has been one of our favorite ways to pray together since the first months we were dating, and over time we've become fairly consistent in the intentions we pray for each of the different mysteries.  This book is our sharing some of those intentions, a little piece of our spirituality, with you, and we hope they take root and bear much fruit in your relationship.  You can get yours from INVITED's lead page here, and directions for loading it onto your Kindle here.

As a thank you for downloading the eBook and supporting INVITED,  you'll also get a 20% discount coupon to use when the book is released on Friday!  And by the way, I also just want to thank you for supporting my book in general.  I mean it.  Check back next week for two sweet release day giveaways, and meantime, in the spirit of Full of Grace, here's a roundup of past posts on praying together:

A collection of prayers for engagement and marriage, for the two of you or as a spiritual gift to friends getting married

7 women share how they pray with their husbands, including a cool new-to-me devotion called the Dailies

Why praying as a couple is usually a learned skill and habit, not something that always comes naturally, and why it's worth pushing through the initial awkwardness

Join me in praying for all of the brides who'll find these books in their hands, and as the release gets closer, I'd love to offer it for you.  Email me with your intentions or leave them in the comments, and let know how I can specifically pray for you! 

What I Would Say To Him: Guest Post from Carolyn

A few weeks ago, I posted a piece from a friend who's borne deep sadness and regret in the wake of getting a divorce and seeking an annulment.  Truly, there is suffering and, God willing, redemption in the brokenness of a marriage that has ended.  

For today, maybe you're reading this from another side of heartbreak; the side of having not yet found the man you'll marry, and the cross of loneliness and dashed hopes.  My friend Carolyn, a gorgeously poetic writer if there ever was one, shared this with me and blew me away.  Maybe you, like me, will recognize pieces of yourself in her wake of a breakup and, like her, will find your peace in the divine lover of your soul--read it all the way to the end--the one who is always, always beside you.

Hey.

I know it's been a while and you think that I may have healed, and you could be right I guess, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I have the strength to become friends again.  Not yet anyway, and I can tell you why.  But first, you need to know how much I miss you and still love you, but it can't be simple anymore.

Why?

You left me when I needed you most.  I must have checked my phone every five minutes up until the plane took off.  Sweet man, that silence was crushing.  I never felt so much like nothing to someone, and i'm sure that was largely because I thought you were everything.  I thought the world of you, sir.  Yeah, that was dumb.  I know that now.  I made so many mistakes, in when I told you, how I told you, but not how I felt for you.  That love will never be a mistake, and that love is still so alive.

I admired those hurricanes you contained, the worlds behind your eyes, and those secrets in the creases of your face.  And yeah, it's effed up that we were our only friend in that small town tucked in the valley of the mountain.  That little place that was founded by my ancestor three hundred years ago, and where I spent Saturday morning brewing your black coffee at the cafe where I worked.  Where we would go out late at night to diners or drive to the nearest city for concerts.  We were safe there.

And now look at us.  After we fell apart, we are not both suddenly living in the same city far away from that small town, and so different from where we became friends.

I'm not going to try to understand our Holy on this one, but because of this, you suddenly want to be friends again.

But what if you leave again.  I don't have the time or the money to fly off to Uganda to allow myself to break.  To hide.  To sit with our Holy and stargaze at foreign constellations south of the equator for hours on end, crying softly with a baby in my arms.  I'm in this foreign city now, where you grew up in the shadows of these skyscrapers.  I'm no longer in my childhood neighborhood where you stole my damn heart.  This city is nearly as foreign to this small town heart as the wilds of Uganda.

Sweet man, how can I believed that if I let you back in my life, you will stay?  And how can you expect me to be close to you again and not be scorched?  How do I know that you won't hurt me again?

I'm okay.  I'm lonely here, yes, and I can't sleep most nights, but this feels right.  Living here.  Don't worry about me because I'm going to be fine.  I'm surrounded by good, wholesome people.  But can you please just answer my texts when I ask if you're happy?  They aren't a trick question.  For once in my life I'm being simple.

But you need to put your fight into something you're passionate about now.  Remember how Eve was all dumb and took on too much, thought she could handle the world on her own?  How I did?  And how Adam was literally right at her side, watching her fall, unmoved, hesitant to act, unwilling to fight?  He saw that she was hurting herself, that she was falling, and he did nothing.  God works through the man and rests in the woman, but we got it backwards, you and me.  Just like they did.

You made it clear when you left that you couldn't find any fight in you.  To keep me, I guess.  It will always hurt knowing this, sure, that I may just never be worth it for you or to you.  Not worth your time or the effort.  And I get that you are worn, but I'm not just here at your convenience.  Hey, I know you need to put your heart first until one day you make that vow on the altar, but sweet man, I have to do that too, and I'm not strong enough to see you just yet.

I learned something in Uganda, though: now I know that I love you enough to let you go.  Not enough to stop praying rosaries each night for your heart, not enough to stop writing your name in my journal, not enough to check chapel tears or this sap or this gnawing in my stomach, not enough to stop gazing at some of those nearby skyscrapers and try and guess which one you may be working gin now.  But enough to let you go.  I can do that.  I promise.  But just let me.

Let me, or fight for me.  It's that simple.  And you don't have to decide right now, but don't drag me into your uncertainty anymore.

I love you sweet man.  And because you don't feel the same, I'm not sure you would have anything to say in response.  If you could say anything.  I'm tired of guessing at your silence, so instead I'll let your silence speak for you.  So go do great things, one of which will not be pursuit of me.  But please just allow me to let you go.

But in this paralyzation, He moves.  It's a rumble at first, but it quickly escalates.  He roars to life, unafraid to show the distance He would go to keep me, to fight for me, to tell me I'm wrong…to save me.  He breaks, through all of this brokenness in a great clamor, a whirlwind, a dashing avalanche.  He tears down the temple wall, cracks through the earth, damns the serpent.  He shivers and shatters and splinters from the depths of His grave, rallies a legion of seraphim, performs out mighty wonders, damns the chains, and in my sweet man's silence, He thunders: YOU ARE WORTH DYING FOR.

Carolyn blogs for and edits The YoungCatholicWoman, "a place of feminine insight into the joy, companionship, frustration, heartache, and autonomy on this beautiful road to Calvary."  They have a sweet magazine and are planning a mission to Costa Rica, and you're invited!  Visit her here.  

Waiting With Mary through Advent and Dating: Guest Post from Brooke

Brooke and I bonded this summer over hearts for ministry and Catholic wedding planning (she dreams of having her own planning business one day!) and the fact that we were wearing the same sandals when we met for coffee.  She's been dating her love, Timothy, since high school, and we've talked about the difficulty of waiting for engagement and marriage when your season in life, namely college, just doesn't make getting engaged the most practical idea for a while.  My story is pretty different; when Andrew proposed, we'd been friends for about a year and a half and boyfriend and girlfriend for only eight months.  So, having come from a different side of dating, I always enjoy and admire stories of couples who have known each other for years before falling in love and who are faced with a significant time of waiting before being able to start their married life together.  Brooke blogs at Something to Behold, where she shares her life as a college senior, her spiritual journey, and her majorly enviable style.  I promise you'll love her site, and her wisdom that follows here:

Advent is all about waiting. But more than that, it is about waiting well. Its funny; I was incredibly resistant to all things Advent this year, and I am just now figuring out why. This Advent was one of my worst as far as my spiritual life goes. My prayer life had no significant changes or increases; I  read zero reflections on the birth of Christ, did zero devotions, and barely even listened to Christmas music. More than just being resistant to getting more seriously into this Advent season, I was resistant to even wanting to try. 

This is new for me.  Usually when I’m at a low point in my spiritual life, I at least want to want it. But almost all of Advent, I’ll be honest and say that I didn’t even want to want Advent. And I think it is precisely because Advent is all about “waiting.” And I am tired of waiting.

Timothy and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary in October. We started dating when we were 16, and by 18, we knew  God was calling us to the vocation of marriage. We’re both 21 now, and on some level it feels like we’ve been waiting since we were 18 for our lives to truly begin. 

Don’t get me wrong. God has been so so good to us over these past four years we’ve been in college and has blessed us with joys and challenges that have helped us grow in so many ways. Still, there is something really hard in knowing what you're called to and then being asked to wait at least 4 years for that to be a reality. And if I’m being really honest with myself, I have not been my best self with waiting for God’s plan to unfold this past semester. I have not been asking God to continue to reveal to me the value in waiting, or to use this time of my life for His greater glory, or to help further prepare Timothy and I’s relationship for the vocation I’m so impatient for. Instead, most of the time I’ve been complaining and begging God to let the waiting be over.

So when Advent came this year and the Church asked me to reflect on what it means to wait, I said “um, no thank you.” It wasn’t until the phrase “We wait with Mary” crept into my mind, in a way I was somehow forced to listen to, that this resistance that I had towards Advent and waiting finally broke down, which occurred two days before Christmas. This phrase reminded me of an Imagination Prayer I once did from a book titled “Quiet Places with Mary.” This particular prayer asked me to imagine what the time between Mary’s Annunciation and Joseph’s Dream must have been like for her. 

Mary had no idea what Joseph’s response would be, what her life would look like, or exactly how God’s plan would unfold. She simply had to wait. And as I sat in this prayer, all I could imagine is that it must have been the presence of Christ in her womb that gave her the strength to wait and to trust in the will of God. At the end of my prayer, I felt Mary pointing me towards the Eucharist. I remember thinking, “If the presence of Christ in the womb of Mary sustained her in her time of waiting, then the presence of Christ in the Eucharist can sustain me.”

Remembering this prayer was exactly what I needed to not completely waste my Advent season. Instead, on the last two days of Advent and now for the rest of this Christmas season, I am remembering the inseparable connection between celebrating the birth of Christ and the Eucharist. Mary, who adored the Body of Christ in her womb, adores Him at every Mass in the Eucharist. She continues to guide us into adoration of her son, not just before the manger scene, but also before every Tabernacle. It is Mary I will continue to turn to as I struggle with this time of my life that feels so characterized by waiting.  By her example, hopefully I can learn what it truly means to “wait well.”

Thanks so much, Brooke!  Any other longtime daters out there?  I'd love to hear your stories and insights into developing a patient heart during times of waiting.

 

The Truth of Discernment and Vocation: Guest Post from Jiza

Jiza and I connected a few years ago when I was doing this every Sunday.  We found out we had a few friends in common from the Theology of the Body Institute, as well as shared hearts for ministry through beauty and Marian devotion.  I'm so inspired by her quietly devout spirituality and her artistic flair.  She and I have a new project in the works that I can't wait to share with you soon!  Meantime, please pray for our creative process as our project gets underway, check out Jiza's gorgeous photography business, Olive & Cypress (where you'll find more of her reflections), and enjoy this here piece of her heart.  I asked her to share some of her love story and spiritual journey; read on for her beautiful insights into walking the path to your vocation.

“My God, since I am not worthy to be Your Spouse like my sister, I shall enter the married state to accomplish Your holy will...” – Saint Zelie Martin, Mother of Saint Therese of Lisieux

Much like Saint Zelie, I had originally thought I was called to be a religious sister.  Throughout my years of college undergrad, I had mentally prepared for the day I would enter & start my postulancy after finally receiving my degree in psychology. However, as my entrance date drew near, the numerous doors started to close, and like most college students, I began the typical journey of looking for a job and living a life as a young professional.

In the summer of 2008, I was a volunteer photographer for the Bike for Life Pilgrimage in the Diocese of Raleigh, North Carolina. It was a peaceful 2 weeks, but my future was still heavy upon my heart. I had just been through a failed dating relationship, was getting ready to quit my job as a special education itinerant in VA, and was eagerly awaiting a reply on an internship application for the Theology of the Body Institute in Exton, PA. As far as I knew, my life at the time was looking really unknown.

The pilgrimage ended on Feast of the Assumption, August 15, at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, D.C. As the pilgrims were preparing to go our separate ways and back into everyday lives, Fr. Lawrence, a then newly ordained priest with the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, asked me if he could pray for me and if I had any intentions. I replied very matter-of-factly: “I thought I was called to be a religious. And then I had a dating relationship and that didn’t work out either. I don’t know what God is calling me to do anymore.”

He replied, “Entrust everything to Our Lady. Place it in the hands of Mary and she will open doors. She always leads us to Christ and to God’s Will.” “Entrust everything to Mary,” he kept repeating. Then he paused and looked at me intently and said “And I have a feeling that you will find out what that is very soon.”

I did just that, and well… Fr. Lawrence was right. A couple of weeks later, I soon met my husband, Mark. Actually, we were re-aquatinted online (via-CatholicMatch.com) but we had originally met at a Theology on Tap just a couple of months beforehand. We had a prayerful courtship while he finished his final year at the United States Naval Academy and during my internship at the Theology of the Body Institute. That early January we were engaged.

Later that month, I bumped into Fr. Lawrence at the annual March for Life in Washington D.C. When I spotted him, I quickly ran to him and asked him if he had remembered the advice he had given me. He said “Yes! How is that going for you?” I eagerly threw up my left hand and yelled “I’m engaged!” After a congratulations and a hug, he then asked me “So, when is the wedding?” Without a thought, I blurted “August 15”, a date that Mark and I had mindlessly and quickly decided on the day before due to his deployment schedule. 

“That’s the Feast of the Assumption. Exactly a year from when I told you to entrust everything to Our Lady,” Fr. Lawrence said.

In a crowd with millions of people on the way to the Capitol Building, a silence fell upon me and Fr. Lawrence in that moment. We just stood there, stunned. Then the tears of joy started to well up in both of our eyes along with a burst of laughter.

I honestly don’t remember how Fr. Lawrence and I parted ways that day. I want to say that our original groups that we were accompanying for the March had caught up to us. However, what I do remember is the peace that overcame me and that never left me. I wasn’t searching for a confirmation or a sign regarding my vocation to the married life with Mark because the peace and the knowing was already there. However, God gave me one anyways. Perhaps because He knew I would often look back at that moment to reflect on His Love for me and the intricate part that Mary, with her Immaculate Heart full of love, always desires to point us to her Son, Jesus.

Today, younger women will sometimes ask me how I discerned my vocation. Bill Donaghy of the Theology of the Body Institute said it best, in that “The truth of vocation is that it’s a dialogue, not a monologue. A dance more than a cold directive.”  In the beginning, my vocation discernment was overzealous and self-centered. I was blind in the fact that I just wanted God to dictate to me what He wanted, rather than what I should have been doing all along, which was--is--to surrender myself daily in love to Him, and with a willingness and docility to grow in my relationship with Him.

Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being (St. John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, n. 11). Vocations are “peculiar to persons, and the very concept takes us into a very interesting and profound area of man’s interior life… A person who has a vocation must not only love someone but be prepared to give himself or herself for love… ‘What is my vocation’ means ‘in what direction should my personality develop, considering what I have in me, what I have to offer, and what others – other people and God – expect of me?’” (St. John Paul II, Love & Responsibility, p. 256).

Sometimes, I wish I could go back and tell my 22 year old self to not be so easily disheartened, assuming that she would have been willing to listen. However, I also know that my conversation with Fr. Lawrence on that faithful day was the catalyst for me realizing that my vocation is not about me, but about something greater than me. It is about Love and Love itself.

Entrust everything to Mary.

Thanks so much, Jiza!  Feeling inspired by her total surrender to Our Lady? If you missed it, click here for a roundup of Marian posts.  Have a wonderful weekend; I'd love to know what you're up to!