Four Ways Your Wedding Website Can Help You Evangelize, with Love.

I was twelve at the time, but I can still remember my first encounter with a wedding website for my youngest uncle and now-aunt's wedding.  My aunt wore those black Steve Madden platform slides that mysteriously have made a comeback this season (Maybe that's why I can't get on board with the slide/overalls/mom jean trends?  They hit too close to childhood!), and within a few months all of my aunts, me, my sister, and a few of my girl cousins all had a pair, too.  In other words, she was the coolest, and during those days of a younger internet, so was having a wedding website.

Obviously, it's way more common to make a website these days, but I still love reading about a couple's big day and love story when I get invited to a wedding…or, you know, even if I'm not invited but someone I know is engaged and I still want to read about their big day and love story.  Please don't think I'm too crazy.

Aside from the normal deets like the who and the where and the RSVPs, directing guests to your wedding site also gives you a unique opportunity to share your faith with your family and friends.  Stating why you believe what you do, in your own words and in a way that's truthful, casual, and aimed at the heart, can go a long way in making your Catholic wedding an invitation to deeper understanding and a witness to the beauty of marriage in the Church.  I suggest...

Telling the story of a saint who's had a hand in your relationship.  True stories of virtue and holiness speak for themselves, and they also offer you an opportunity to break down why and how Catholics call upon the saints' intercession.

Short explanations of parts of the Mass, like communion and the Rite of Marriage, for guests who might be unfamiliar.  On the page with your Mass details, briefly and charitably talking about modest dress in the chapel, who can receive communion and why, and why the Rite of Marriage matters for the sacrament can all go a long way in making your guests (particularly non-Catholics or those who've been away from the faith) feel at ease and not experience any surprises that could be misperceived as exclusive or judgmental, like a non-Catholic not being permitted to receive the Eucharist.  If you're looking for a starting point, this post speaks to some common questions unique to Catholic marriage, like vows, music, and cohabitation.

Host an open-invitation holy hour after your wedding rehearsal.  One of the most beautiful moments of my life was praying with my best friends Teresa and Beth after Beth's rehearsal, before heading to dinner, in the chapel on our college campus where we'd all, at some point, smiled and cried thinking about our future husbands, babies, and marriages.  The tears poured down as we knelt shoulder to shoulder and as I marveled at how the Father had answered each of our hopes and prayers so specifically and so abundantly in the men he gave to us.  At another wedding I went to, the bride and groom had their priest and a few friends lead anyone who wanted to come in an hour of Adoration, confession, and Praise and Worship the night before the wedding, and heaven really did touch earth during that hour.  Following suit, by planning a holy hour and sharing it with your guests via your website, is amazing for both you as the couple getting married and for everyone who will share in your wedding with you.

Invite your guests to leave their intentions on your wedding site, and pray for them.  I love writing a message in a couple's online guest book and requesting songs in the, well, request box on their site, but two of my friends also included an Intention Box on their wedding website.  Guests' prayer requests weren't public, so only the bride and groom saw them, and I found their promise to pray for everyone attending in such personal ways so incredibly generous and beautiful.

I hope these ways of evangelizing to your guests really do call your family and friends into communion with you and express what you stand for in a loving way, especially if there are sensitivities among them where faith is concerned.  Above all, though, I truly think the best, most important witness of all is one that doesn't even need to be typed and posted--quite simply, the joy of entering into marriage with a pure heart, radiant, evident joy, and desire for complete self-gift is impossible to ignore.  Don't worry about it being your personal responsibility to change anyone's mind about the Church; just be yourselves, the selves who so clearly wear their love for all to see, knowing that love flows from Love himself, and what you value and what sets your marriage apart will be crystal clear.  I promise!

Did I miss anything on this list?  Tell me how you've shared the Gospel with your guests through your wedding site or otherwise!

Tough Wedding Questions Answered, and a Giveaway: Win a Copy of INVITED Before It's Released!

If you're reading this, you might be engaged and fielding questions from friends and family members wondering why Catholic marriage involves so many rules, and you're looking for a way to charitably clarify it all.

Or maybe you're one of the ones wondering.  Maybe you have questions yourself, and want to know more than just "the Church says so." So let's change the conversation today.  I think it's time to talk about the truths of the Catholic faith in a way that's not just about rules, but about freedom.

My homes Pope St. John Paul II said, "freedom is for love."  In light of your spouse-to-be, that means that putting him or her first, over and over, will in time become a habit and a choice you actually prefer to putting yourself first.  In light of the Father, it means teachings that seem like rules are actually directives intended solely to make us most whole, most fulfilled, and most alive, giving us the ability to choose what's best for the other and for our relationship with God.  What does that look like in the concrete aspects of wedding planning?  Here, three frequently asked Q's about marriage in the Church, and three answers.  Whether you're asking or answering, I hope these words are imbued not just with truth, but with love.

Why wait to live together or sleep together when you're already engaged?  I get that this is hard.  So hard.  When two people have promised to marry each other, it's tough to see why they shouldn't just go ahead and act like they're married.  But maybe we're asking the wrong question.  Consider, instead, what the point is of serious dating and engagement. At that point, both people in the relationship are committed to each other, whether through their communication or through an actual engagement ring, and if, during that time, you're preparing for the long term, it's important to know what virtues and good qualities your partner possesses, and how his or her virtues will help you become more virtuous.  Someone who opts to live together before marriage is essentially saying they are okay with living and sleeping with someone they aren't married to--a wedding ring won't automatically change that outlook.

Granted, the likelihood of unfaithfulness in that sense is a little extreme, and I know there are couples who live together and genuinely have each others' best good at heart.  Ultimately, though, the fact that your partner wants the fun and romance of married life but not the true commitment of having spoken marriage vows conveys a lack of self-discipline and patience--would most people want to be married to someone who could control their desires and say no, or someone who couldn't?  Choosing to wait until after the wedding to live together is a way to grow in that discipline and self-control.  So, the point of a committed relationship isn't to see how much one can get from the other, but how much one can give, by loving selflessly.

Why can't you use secular music for the ceremony?  My old roommate once came home from a night of going out of curiosity to a country line dance, and she was so alight with the novelty of it all that I asked her to teach me some of the dances.  For the next half hour, we seriously galloped around our apartment while the Dixie Chicks accompanied us via iPod.  Loudly.  Moments like that, of complete abandon and exuberance, lift you to the heights.  "Abandon" and "exuberance" can also describe the experience of getting married--of freely, entirely surrendering your will because you know the joy that's in store.  But, it would be weird to have a country line dance song, let alone the galloping, playing at your wedding Mass, even if the end emotion were the same.  Obviously, most couples would prefer to have something more romantic than that playing when, say, the bride walks up the aisle.  But it's the same underlying principle: music needs to fit the context of the setting it's played in.  So, if your wedding ceremony is set in the Church, the music needs to fit the purpose of worship.

Why can't you write your own vows?  CCD throwback, anyone?  Every sacrament of the church has a specific rite that must be followed in order for the sacrament to be valid--if a priest doesn't follow the prescribed language of consecration, for instance, the Eucharist for that Mass is invalid.  Getting married is the same--in order for the sacrament to take place; that is, for the couple's bond to literally be transformed and suffused with grace, the bride and groom need to speak the language of the Rite of Marriage.  It's more than just input these words, get out this result--it's allowing yourselves and your love to take on something entirely, sacramentally new and humbly inviting God into your life together, knowing it takes three, not two, to live out your promises.

And now, in a totally not transparent transition, I'll say that my book, INVITED, addresses more on each of these questions, along with other hard teachings like chastity, birth control, and divorce, in an in-depth way that I truly hope communicates the wellspring of joy and true freedom to be found in a sacramental marriage, and in a way that feels like having coffee with a friend.  But it's not all theological talk.  There's worksheets to help you get organized, set a budget, and make sure all of your spiritual and practical wedding preparations get taken care of.  There's what I hope are endearingly embarrassing, rather than just outright embarrassing, stories of some of Andrew's and my arguments and missteps during our engagement and first months as newlyweds, and what we learned from them.  There's honest talk about choosing a dress, shutting up your inner temptation to compare yourself, sex and what it's meant for, and (spoiler) even a Rick Roll.  Come on.  I had to save the best thing for last.

Want a copy?  The book's official release is April 1, but I'm unbelievably excited to share 3 copies ahead of time (and it's okay if you're not engaged)!  Enter below, and head to Instagram for extra entries.  Giveaway ends this Sunday, the 20th, at 11:59 P.M.

And can I be completely honest with you?  As happy as I am to see my book about to be released and as exhilarating as it is to think of the ways it might resonate, I'm also SO nervous for these words I've been putting together for the past three years finally making their way into print for anyone to read. Marketing and self-promotion are no joke, and my constant prayer over the past few weeks is just that I might decrease and let the book, and what I hope is its evident passion for helping couples understand authentic, life-giving love, speak for itself and take center stage instead of me.  So please join me in asking the Holy Spirit to guide this project into the hearts of whatever brides--stressed out, returning to the Church, looking to elevate their romance to the divine--and marriage prep programs most need it.  And please pray that the Spirit might lead my own heart to the right balance of promotion and humility, which I don't take to mean silence, but a full awareness that it's not about me.  Much love, friends.

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Brides Who've Been There: 11 Tips For a Peaceful Wedding Day

I'm taking a blogging break to soak up our sweet Lily Grace (and, let's be honest, to keep my head above water through this beautiful newborn chaos), so I asked some of my married friends to contribute in my absence.  Over the next few weeks, they'll be taking over to chat about wedding planning, bridal beauty and style, and sharing stories about their newlywed days.  

Today, I asked them to share what they wish they'd known about planning for a smooth, peaceful wedding day.

If at all possible, I highly recommend doing as many of the following on your wedding day, before the ceremony: confession, Adoration, and praying with your spouse.  We didn't plan it, but we prayed with a door between us, and the voice of my sweet husband-to-be drowned out every distraction or frustration. - Amanda

Amanda and Anthony praying before their nuptial Mass!

I read this somewhere about halfway through our engagement and wedding planning: the day is, and isn't, all about you.  It is, of course, the day you pledge your life to your best friend, but it's also a celebration in which you've invited many of your closest friends and family to take part.  Remember those people, your guests.  Most of your planning is for them.  Putting my guests first in mind gave a whole new perspective to our planning and made things much more selfless and peaceful.  - Sheena

Eat!  In the hustle and bustle, it's easy to forget.  Try and take some private time with your (new!) spouse to eat a little something before the reception. - Sylvia

As a wedding coordinator who meticulously planned every detail of her own wedding, I KNOW it can be hard to let go, but you've got to do it.  Either hire someone, or have a trusted friend or family member be your liaison for the day.  I can't even tell you how freeing it was that day to just eat, drink, and dance without a worry in the world.  I'm sure something went wrong behind the scenes,  but no one has confessed!  Second, assign someone to be in charge of bustling your gown, and have her come to your final fitting to learn to do it quickly.  One time I tied my friend's bustle on the limo ride to the reception!  Third, see if you and your groom can spend time in Adoration before your wedding; I wasn't able to, but my husband was.  At one point the church coordinators were frantically looking for him and I calmly told them to check the Adoration chapel.  I know my man!  - Andi

Plan in advance a few photos that are really important for you to have, and get those.  But don't waste the whole day on pictures.  Delegate everything--you won't be able to remember anything you're supposed to do before the ceremony or at the reception!  Plan for someone else to take all the stuff you used for getting ready earlier in the day to where it needs to go, so you don't have to worry about it after the reception.  - Rachel

The best part of our wedding day is that we received three sacraments--we both went to confession moments before our Mass began, so we were able to receive absolution, Holy Communion, and Holy Matrimony all within the same fantastic hour.  After confession, I made my penance before the Blessed Sacrament and knelt before the tabernacle in a big puff of a white dress just giddy.  I was so, so excited to get married! - Katie

Katie and Andrew

One thing I wish I'd done better was to let the disappointments go. A few days before our wedding, I'd had a stressful situation with two close family members, which carried over into feelings of gloom and resentment on the wedding day.  I wish I'd been more purposeful about setting that situation aside.  I know I would have enjoyed our big day more if I hadn't been so distracted by the negatives. - Julie

If something doesn't go according to plan, it's okay!  A sacrament will still take place, even if the ring bearer goes down the aisle with his eyes closed, even if your brand new husband spills coffee on your dress, or even if the speakers for the dancing don't work (all things that happened at our wedding).  Down the road, these little hiccups will be the things you look back on and laugh about. - Anna

The only regret we've ever expressed is that in trying to save money, we failed to provide our guests with hors d'oeurvres while they were waiting for us to finish the picture-taking, and people were hungry! - Leslie

My husband and I think back to our wedding day and laugh because we only got to have one dance together, only briefly sat down to eat our dinner together, and other than our actual ceremony, we were being pulled this way and that.  We weren't angry over it or anything, but I had no idea guests would monopolize so much of our time.  I guess I had a fairytale dream in my head that we would spend the day gazing lovingly into each other's eyes.  If I could say one thing, be sure to have more than one dance, and realize that your together time will come with the honeymoon.  - Amy

Enjoy the moment!  It goes by so fast.  Remember how you felt when you walked down that aisle towards your husband.  It truly is the best feeling in the world.  - Emily

Your turn!  If you're recently (or not-so-recently!) married, how did you plan for and surround yourself with peace on your big day?