Love Notes: Date Night In Essentials

{small ways to show great love}

I admit, this might be a little late coming off the heels of Valentine's Day. But, between living on a budget and watching snow fall outside my window as I type this, I am personally a huge fan of the date night in.

Sometimes, the fact that you're on an at-home date sneaks up on you.  And sometimes, it's too easy for Andrew and I to do the bare minimum, watching Netflix while eating chocolate chips out of the bag and wearing pajama pants with holes in them.  Don't get me wrong!  I think there's true romance to be found in familiarity.  But, I think there's also much to be said for putting in a few little efforts that can make all the difference in your date-mosphere.  Taking a few minutes to tidy up the living room, making or buying a more elegant treat than raw chocolate chips and making a nice presentation of it, lighting a candle, and surprising each other with a new-to-you movie or album can all add an element of novelty and magic, and who couldn't use more of that?

And so, with the money you'll save on going out (and, if you're in our boat, a babysitter), I humbly suggest spending it elsewhere to build a Date Night In collection over time, with stuff you'll look forward to breaking out:

Slippers | Jerusalem and Gjelina cookbooks | Necklace | Earrings | Cheese Boards | Wineglasses | Jenga | Rose Gold and Blue Candles (the prettiest, most delicious scented candles I've ever used!)  | special Matches | Alpaca Throw | Perfume

Add the likes of these to your wedding registry if you haven't thought of them already!  And I'd love to know what I missed: what are your date-at-home must haves?

Fall Roundup: Dates, A Playlist, Dressing Your Dress, and Wedding Inspiration

Our last two annual family apple picking photos.  I suspect this year's will more resemble the former...

I fully admit, it's still all hot-town-summer-in-the-city around D.C.  But the breezes that have snuck their way into the evenings lately are giving this third trimester perpetual sweater hope that the best, most crisp days of the year are close at hand.  If you're planning a Fall wedding or if, like me, you're just antsy for all things commercially pumpkiny, I offer you this roundup of Fall posts past from the blog…

Autumn wedding DIYs

A Fall playlist and date ideas

Cozy, chic wedding gown toppers, to add a layer of personality and keep you toasty for outdoor photos

Incorporating rustic-glam feathers into your wedding details and accessories

In the spirit of the new school year, what I wish I'd known about relocating for love, academic-style

Why I get sentimental this time of year, and how meeting myself prepared me to meet my husband


... as well as a few other favorites:

The fondue party I've never yet attempted, but have always wanted to host

The most beautifully seasonal engagement shoot

A stunning reminder of our mortality and God's mercy from one of my favorite poets (apologies for the hilarious website design…)

The yummiest homemade pumpkin spice syrup I've ever tried


What about you?  Anything big happening in your life over the next few months?  What's your favorite way to spend a Fall afternoon?

Why I'm Okay With Simplicity.

A while ago, a friend and I were talking about date nights.  Like me, she's a mama and has been married for a while, with a husband whose job involves irregular hours.  "It's so hard to think of stuff to do for dates," she said, and went on to describe their efforts to make a meal together after their kids were in bed, to set aside time to watch a movie, or to sit and pray.  As she talked, I found myself thinking, "Oh, that's date night?  That's just what Andrew and I do a lot of nights."

The point is, every relationship is different, and one person's special occasion is another's typical evening.  More and more lately, I've been realizing how content Andrew and I are with simplicity.  We celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary last month and, as I often do around times like his birthday or our wedding day, I found myself scrambling to think of a creative gift and out-of-the-ordinary date, a feeling that's heightened after becoming parents since our opportunities for dates are more limited these days.

In my eagerness, I tend to ignore or forget the fact that my husband isn't into all the bells and whistles.  Impossible as it may sound, the man just does not like getting gifts.  And, even without the threat of a single Instagram post in sight, he sometimes struggles to feel at ease with things that, on the surface, seem more like something fun a couple should do, rather than what they actually want to do.  I have to admit, I used to think this was boring of him, or purely for the sake of making a statement against the falseness that can sometimes accompany social media.  But truly, the more time we spend together, the more I find our once-different viewpoints becoming more similar in certain areas, and this is one of them--not because Andrew has forced his opinions on me, but because joy is a fruit of putting another before yourself.  It's taken me so long, and I still struggle--gift giving is one of my love languages, and I really do love picking things out for him!--but now it actually makes me happy to not give my husband extravagant presents or plan elaborate nights out, and he finds happiness in the occasions where we do go out for something fancier, knowing that I enjoy it.

"Authentic" is a word that gets tossed around often in the name of craft beers and Facebook fasts and artisanal donuts or whatever.  And yet it does carry real weight, I think, when it comes to truth and self-knowledge.  Knowing yourself is a way of understanding truth, because God, who is truth itself, reveals to you who you are, the more you come to know Him.  

In the same way, I feel like the more I know and love Andrew, the more I know myself.  Our lives are so shared that it doesn't feel possible to know one of us better without knowing the other.  I am incredibly blessed by a man so intentional, critical, and discerning in his choices, all made in the name of virtue and a deeper closeness to God, and so comfortable and un-self-conscious in them.  Like in the fact that for our anniversary, we got burritos at Baja Fresh and then hung out at home.  Andrew wrote a beautiful poem that made me cry.  I love his quiet creativity and I loved the entire day.  There are definitely times when I wish we took advantage of more photo ops for our future selves (my husband is also not the biggest fan of my ideas for impromptu photo shoots!), or that we documented some of the recipes we've tried or places we've gone, but on the whole, this is our simple, non-Pinteresty, kept-to-ourselves life, and it feels peaceful and perfectly suited to us.  Hans Urs von Balthasar wrote, "love alone is credible," and he was right.

Thoughts? Are you a lover of the fancy date night or more suited to the simple?  Even though more planned out, photogenic romance isn't really our style, I still love hearing about other couples' sweet and creative gestures!

The Couple That Reads Together...

Youngins.  At the beach after my college graduation.  Clearly Andrew's book was more interesting.

You'd think two former English majors, one of whom is still studying English literature as a career, would have a better track record.  For pretty much our entire relationship, Andrew and I have tried on and off to read the same book together, at the same time; sort of our own little book club.  We'd talk about books we'd both always wanted to read, or a book that one of us had loved and wanted to share with the other, and make plans to chat about them on the phone, or, after we were married, at dinnertime or bedtime.

That was the idea.  Andrew valiantly devoured Emma, Fahrenheit 451, Brave New World, even all of Anna Karenina while I…very, very slowly made my way through those choices while reading 2 or 3 other books at the same time, meaning we didn't have many chances to talk about our shared book like we'd intended!  I get that people have different reading personalities--he's a one-book-at-a-time kind of man, while I prefer to play the field, I guess--and fully admit to dropping the ball on this.  Andrew's workload this summer while teaching full time and studying for comps exams has left him precious little time for pleasure reading, and I wish I'd taken better advantage of the time when we were both free to read more books by choice.

But, I refuse to give up.  Even when we're turning different pages, talking about what we're reading remains one of our favorite topics of conversation, and if I can salvage my dignity at all, I wanted to share a few books we did both manage to read, ones we enjoyed and that led to fruitful talks:

Fill These Hearts by Christopher West: We were both left absolutely amazed by this take on the Theology of the Body in light of the restlessness and longing every human heart feels, why that deep ache sometimes leads us to settle for less, and why embracing our longing and desires for what they are can bring us fully alive.  I wrote more about it here.

The Sisters Brothers by Patrick DeWitt: Neither of us had ever really read a Western-type novel before (though Andrew loves this movie), but decided to read this simply for the reason that we'd heard it was good.  It is!  Though it's the story of two brothers riding around on horses and shooting things and all that entails, the Western setting seemed secondary to their development as characters.  One brother tries, but often fails, at righteousness, while the other…well, doesn't really try.  The tragedy of it lies in the ways their consciences diverge further and further apart.  In full disclosure, we read this at all hours of the day and night after Aaron was born, so their might be some haze over our opinion, but I suspect we'd still enjoy it if we reread it in a saner state.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy: I've been reading this since January and Andrew smoked me months ago…it's not taking so long because it's boring or because I don't like it; it's that, since this classic is so fat, I keep taking (maybe unnecessary) breaks to read other books as I work my way through!  Slow and steady, friends.  Seriously though, this truly is one of the most beautiful books I have ever read.  Tolstoy seems to deeply know the heart, and his language and the characters' topics of conversation sometimes feel almost like spiritual reading (curiously enough, to my surprise, Anna herself is a central part of the story but hardly the main character).  We got this translation because we'd heard of its readability and closeness to Tolstoy's original words, and I promise it feels nothing like a stiff high school reading assignment; it is so human and relatable.  It hasn't stuck around for 200 years for nothing, right?

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: …and here's one that Andrew's still reading!  This is the author of The Goldfinch's first novel from about 20 years ago, and in my opinion, it's much better.  We learn on the first page that a group of college students have committed a murder, and the rest of the book explains their motive and the aftermath.  Even in the hundred or so pages my husband has read so far, we've had plenty to talk about regarding the students' and their teacher's philosophies on beauty and justice and on the book's theme of how subtly and seemingly harmlessly evil can take root in a soul.  So, so compelling and tense.

Tell me, have you ever read a book together with your fiancé or husband?  I love new recommendations and would love to hear any ideas you have for keeping each other on track with a shared reading project!

Love Notes: A Summer Sounds Playlist

{small ways to show great love}

Happy August!  Have you ever seen the Perseid Meteor Shower?  Every year I swear I'll park myself outside and wait for the stars to fall, but something always seems to thwart my best of intentions--rainshowers, sleepiness, you know.  This time I'm determined.

Aside from staring up at the sky, here's what else is topping my summer date bucket list...

• Growing herbs in my window
• Making s'mores.  Gas grills don't count.
• Nighttime rosary walks, a favorite of Andrew's and mine
• Seeing some sort of performance outside.  Our new neighborhood is close to a town square that has free live music every weekend, and we also don't live far from  an outdoor theatre that's performs musicals in the summer!
• Berry picking!  We went to the best farm with my sister a few months ago that offers new pick-your-own produce every week.  We set out to make a pie, but by the time we'd had our fill of the fresh ones (and there were over 10 pounds!) and shared them, there weren't enough left!
• Nightswimming, hopefully in the ocean when we join Andrew's family on vacation in a few weeks.  If you're landlocked, pools do just fine, in my opinion.

And, above are some tunes to do it all by.  Your turn!  I'd love to know your favorite way to while away summer afternoons and evenings with your love.  I fully plan to make good on some of these ideas this weekend; have a good one!

If you missed them, here are my playlists and date ideas for seasons past:

Fall | Winter | Spring