Inspired: Bridal Shower Style

Three weeks before Aaron was born, Andrew drove me to his brother's house and said we were going on apple picking, but we had to stop at his grandparents' first.  Suspish.  At the time, I hadn't had a baby shower yet, and while I was firmly in the camp that no one is required to throw you a party, I have to admit I'd been wondering about all the complicated plans Andrew had been making, that seemed to keep changing.  So I put on a simple dress that I could theoretically pick apples in and let him walk me to the door.  Sure enough, there were both of our families, a cake, and a bunch of blue decorations.

The point is, a shower--baby or bridal--is a gift, and sometimes you know when it's happening, and sometimes it's a surprise.  If you do know when your bridal shower will be, do you have an outfit picked out?  Personally, I don't love the spotlight, but on the few occasions where I knew a lot of attention would be on me at a party, I had fun choosing what to wear because at showers, it's so much fun to be dressed up with other women and appreciate their style choices.  Sparkly shoes, pretty nails, or a blowout would generally be lost on my husband (like, he might notice and admire those kind of things, but doesn't think they're necessary and hence just doesn't particularly care about them), but sharing in all of that with girls is special.  Not the entire point of the day, of course, but definitely special.

So here's an easy bridal shower style formula you can adapt to your style: a white outfit, a little something that sparkles, and something bright or shiny to make a statement.  Inspiration here and links below:

CLASSIC LOOK / peplum dress / scallop heels (they have blue soles with a heart--hello wedding shoes!) / MAC lipstick in Pink Noveau
ROMANTIC LOOK / off-the-shoulder dress / Becca rose gold highlighter / geode earrings
MINIMALIST LOOK / romper / Mrs. necklace / slides

Your turn.  Which of these looks would you choose, and do you have a favorite way to style a pre-wedding outfit?

P.S.  If you're getting your makeup professionally done for your wedding day, the day of your bridal shower is a perfect time to do a test run!

What's in My Makeup Bag for a Wedding Weekend

I've mentioned here a few times that almost all of my close friends got married within the same 16-month span, during which Andrew and I went to 9 weddings.  Almost all of them were at the chapel on our college campus, and our living out of state at the time meant, naturally, a lot of travel time, but also a lot of packing, which I somehow manage to be both good at planning and horribly inefficient at actually executing.  Every time we have a trip, I tell myself I've got the routine down and have a list, so I delude myself into thinking it will be easy and put it off.  Then I find myself throwing extra thing after extra thing into my bags on the way out the door, panicked that I'm not bringing something off-list I might need.

So even with 9 weddings in less than two years under my postpartum belly band, I didn't really get better at general travel packing.  But I can say I did streamline my makeup routine into a few true blue staples I could use for daytime and nighttime weddings alike, few enough to fit into the tiny pink number you see up there and bring along in my bag for the day.  I might be wrongly assuming everyone else shares my nosiness about other people's favorite beauty products, but can I suggest some of the same for you?

Here's what I like to pack for rehearsal and wedding day makeup (some affiliate links):

Blush and bronzer palette: The E.L.F palette I have is meant to be an affordable alternative to this one by NARS that I'm sure I'd love, but mine does the job just fine.  After my foundation, I apply the bronzer in the shape of the number 3 from temples to chin (I read it somewhere once and it works for my face), and the blush on the apples of my cheeks.  Then I also use the bronzer on my eyes.  Not having to pack eyeshadow for the win.  It's subtle, but still adds depth and a little somethin' somethin' that I like.  One thing I'll say about the palette; these shades seem pretty heavily pigmented, so for my skin tone I have to use a really light hand (except on the eyes), unless it's summer and I have a little tan.

Eyeliner: For being a bridesmaid and for evenings, I line my eyes.  I know black is classic, and maybe it's just the brands I've tried, but black usually ends up too dramatic or ambitious than I like to look; it also seems to migrate under my eyes in a way that always looks zombie, not smoky.  So brown it is, and top lids only for me.  This one is my favorite.

Mascara: I'd actually never worn mascara for my entire, since-8th-grade-strong makeup-wearing career until this past summer!  Every product I used, even waterproof, gave my eye area the same dark cast I experience with black eyeliner.  But anyway, I was reading about mascara recommendations in a magazine a while back, and an editor who described herself as having oily skin and Asian eyes (like me), and having always experienced mascara migration problem (also like me), said that this mascara, which is formulated as tubes surrounding your lashes rather than stuff adhering to them (I don't think of these things; I just relay the info) doesn't budge.  And she's right!  With an exception.  The formula is meant to wash off with warm water.  I wore it to a wedding last summer and, oops, tears are warm water.  Meltage galore.  Or actually, it doesn't really dissolve, but slides off in one eyelash-shaped glob, no raccoon eyes or scrubbing, when you remove it, which is one of my favorite things about it.  So while I think this particular mascara is awesome for everyday, maybe you're better off with your own tried and true for this one!

Nail polish: I procrastinate on manicures for events thinking that the closer to the big day, the smaller chance of my nails getting totaled.  But it's not the best--I've painted them in the moving car or in the parking lot outside the church at least three times on the way to a wedding.  I should probably plan ahead more or just go naked-nailed, but knowing myself, for traveling I bring a light and a dark shade in my makeup bag to match whatever I end up wearing.  I like Essie Fiji and Wicked.

Chapstick: I went through a bright lip phase a few years ago, but now that I'm constantly kissing my babies I don't wear lipstick too often anymore.  All the better for Andrew, a professed hater of colorful lips.  Just chapstick for this kisser these days.  I know everyone has her own favorite, but I've used Burt's Bees since high school and love it for the not-too-slippery texture.  Every time I've cheated on my beloved Honey or Peppermint flavors, I've regretted it, so I just stick with those.

Other stuff I bring along: Perfume, bobby pins and hair elastics, earrings, and hairspray (well, full disclosure, the hairspray doesn't fit in the makeup bag so I just bring it along in my purse or keep it in the car).  And snacks!  Driving long distances, staying over at someone's house or in a hotel, and the busyness of running from wedding event to event adds up to erratic eating patterns and, for me, hanger.  I like to keep nuts, cereal, fruit, and if I'm really on top of things, hard-boiled eggs in a cooler bag to eat while we're running around.  Actually, now that I have a toddler, I've learned how essential it is to never leave home without food, lest crankiness take over, so the snack-packing aspect has gotten easier to prioritize.  I tried and tried to find a video of this, but let's just have a moment mentally: remember when Michael Scott asked Pam's mom for a snack at Pam and Jim's wedding?  "You're a mom, so I thought you might have one," he says.  That's my life now.

Alright, ladies.  Any other frequent wedding travelers out there?  I meant it when I said I'm nosy about other women's beauty routines, so I'm all ears on your favorite products and multi-taskers.  Indulge my curiosity?

Brides Who've Been There: 8 Tried-and-Tested Beauty Tips

I'm taking a blogging break to soak up our sweet Lily Grace (and, let's be honest, to keep my head above water through this beautiful newborn chaos), so I asked some of my married friends to contribute in my absence.  Over the next few weeks, they'll be taking over to chat about wedding planning, bridal beauty and style, and sharing stories about their newlywed days.  

I asked them to share their best bridal beauty advice.  Here's what they recommend for letting your outer radiance reflect the inner throughout a day of crying, photos, and dancing.  Tl; dr: waterproof mascara!

Airbrushed makeup!  I'm not a beauty or accessory girl, but I will say the airbrushing was awesome!  It felt super light, lasted forever, and just looked so much more natural overall.  If at no other time in your life you spring for something extra, that's what I'd recommend.  - Lauren

I had my makeup professionally done, and then didn't worry about it again.  - Leslie

I wore waterproof mascara on my wedding day, but I didn't cry, so it wasn't really necessary.  It was just a huge pain to try and take off on my wedding night!  -Sylvia

If you hire someone to do your makeup, always do a trial run and take a picture of it.  It gives you a relaxed couple of hours with your makeup artist to hash out the details, and you can see how the makeup will feel for the rest of the day.  A great day to schedule this is the day of your bridal shower--just sayin'!  And side note; fake eyelashes can be super comfy!  I was afraid of them, but when expertly applied they add just enough drama.  - Andi

Andi rockin' the false eyelashes

Put deodorant between your legs to help prevent chafing.  You'll thank me later when you're sweaty and dancing up a storm at the end of the night.  - Emily  (NB from Stephanie: If this weird but genius tip didn't give it away, Emily's a serious runner!)

Definitely waterproof mascara--I'm a big crier, but I didn't anticipate how many times I'd find myself in tear again and again throughout the day: walking down the aisle, seeing David for the first time, exchanging vows, listening to toasts, and all the rest!  The cheap kind at the drugstore works just fine, if you're not picky (I'm pretty sure I used the $3.99 Maybelline Great Lash).  Also, comfy shoes aren't a beauty product, but they are so important for the reception, at the very least!  I bought a neutral gray pair of TOMS to change into and it was the best decision, especially because I could easily wear them afterwards.  I still wear 'em today, two and a half years later!  - Hannah

Target's ELF line--very inexpensive and it stood up to everything throughout the day!  I also love Rimmel's eyeliner; it's easy to apply and doesn't smudge.  Genius.  - Amanda

Waterproof mascara!  My favorite is L'Oreal Voluminous.  I've been using the non-waterproof version for over 10 years!  - Sheena

And you?  Tell me; what's your best recommendation for beauty products that can stand up to an entire wedding day's worth of events and emotions?  Also, past beauty posts, if you missed them:

How looking to Our Lady is the best remedy for any beauty-related anxiety

My favorite products for giving your skin a pre-wedding boost

Wedding nail color ideas that go beyond the basic French mani

6 women share their beauty and style picks

"My Soul Proclaims the Greatness of the Lord:" A Marian Post Roundup

Happy Feast of the Immaculate Conception, y'all.  Mary, under this title, is the patroness of my alma mater (and I know I'm biased, but really, given the name, the history, and the saintly children of Our Lady who've walked the grounds--Elizabeth Ann Seton being one of them--is there a school out there more suited to the term "loving mother?), and on this day in the past few years, I've had several extraordinary, transcendent times that bore tremendous joy and one exceedingly crappy, spiritual warfare-ridden time that ended in a breakdown.  Each of them, I know, regardless of my emotional state, has been the result of binding myself to our mother in Heaven (more on that below), a promise that has borne such fruit in my spiritual life and my marriage and that I'd never take back, even when the battles are on.

So between those things, this day of Mary's conception, the day she was formed to crush the head of evil and to illuminate our path to her son, is one of the most meaningful days in the Church for me.  In honor of her, to whom I'm immeasurably grateful to belong entirely,  here's a collection of posts from the archives on all things Marian:

In which I call Mary a badass (sorry, just trying to capture the right sentiment!), and why there's nothing more beautiful than a man in love with Our Lady

One of the first posts I ever wrote, on looking to Our Lady when you're struggling with beauty and self-worth

Why consecrating myself to Mary was one of the scariest, best things I ever did 

An awesome, self-guided book to prepare for Marian Consecration

How meditating on Our Lady's identity as an earthly mother to Christ can ease some of the insecurities of pregnancy

The exhilarating, sometimes terrifying (but always, always worth it) beauty of loving like Mary and Simeon at the Presentation

What about you?  I'd love to know what this day means to your spirituality and how you're walking with Our Lady this Advent!  Thoughts?

Pre-Wedding Skincare Faves, or How I Brought My Skin Back From Proactiv Purgatory

Let's get one thing straight right off the bat.  You are beautiful.  Truly and entirely, you are.

In my opinion, it's not wrong to want to radiate your natural, God-given beauty to the maximum on your wedding day.  For me, having my complexion look nice has always been the biggest beauty-related confidence booster; when my skin is clear, I'm more content to wear simple makeup and not worry as much about my hair.  Unfortunately, my skin and I have been at war, with brief periods of good will, since high school, but I feel like I've finally been able to make peace with it in the last year or so.

A few years ago, I went on a crunchy bender  and decided to try this theologically dubious soap on my face.  To my surprise, it completely cleared up a few stubborn, perpetual breakouts I'd had in the same area for years.  Convinced it had fallen from heaven, I promptly ditched the Proactiv Solution I had been using for about 9 years.

Biiiiig mistake.  After a gleeful week spent without a single blemish, my face staged an all-out rebellion.  Turns out, Proactiv keeps your skin clear by suppressing all the, well, crap that causes acne, rather than treating the root cause and eliminating it (Hmmm.  Anyone up for debating whether it's reasonable to extend the logic of contraceptives and fertility drugs to the logic of acne products?).  For the next two years as my pores purged out all the stuff the chemicals had been keeping beneath the surface, I had horribly painful, unattractive cystic acne that coincided with the start of my first corporate job, with being a bridesmaid (a.k.a. lots of photographic evidence), and, you know, with having to go out in public.  And dang if I didn't cry about it on a multiple-times-per-week basis.  I knew, and believed, my husband and God the Father saw beauty in me, but when I didn't see it on the outside, I struggled so, so much to acknowledge it on the inside and constantly compared myself to other women.  I actually prayed for clear skin!  Ridiculous?  Still not sure, given how completely demoralized I felt.

I spent hours reading product reviews and reading about holistic cures for breakouts.  I decided in my desperation that I was willing to make friends with non-crunchy chemicals if they would help things along.  Three years later, after lots of trial to make up for my error, these products and methods helped the most.  For me, they worked well enough that my skin has calmed wayyy down and no longer breaks out at all (I suspect I outgrew my teenage acne long before I actually stopped using the Proactiv), and the scarring left by that two-year purge is almost entirely faded.  I sincerely hope you don't find yourself in a skin sitch as dire as mine, but if you're trying to even out and/or clear up your complexion before your big day, these all get my thumbs up:

1.  2.  3.  4.  5.  6.

Oil Cleansing: My friend got really into making her own skincare and cleaning products a while back, and she and I had a 20-emails and counting thread about her great results from this method of washing your face.  The idea is that oil dissolves oil, and that by mixing oils in a way that suits your skin type, massaging them on your face, and then wiping it away with hot water, your skin gets cleaner and clearer than it could with soap.  Honestly, I was terrified after years of oil-is-the-enemy acne products, but after obsessively reading this article down to the last comment, I decided to try it using this and this. The verdict: very soothing, a little too time consuming for me to make it a long-term habit (it involved adding a tea kettle to my bedtime routine!), and moderately, if not wildly, successful.  I think for me, it jump-started some of the healing from my scarring, which I definitely chalked up as a victory.

Lerosett Regenerative Healing Serum: Yes, this was way pricier than the products I normally buyo  But again, desperation, hysterical crying, and on a more reasonable level, I hoped if it worked, I'd only need to buy it once, which turned out to be true.  I heard about this serum by word of mouth and ended up really liking it; it was gentle, felt nice, and didn't have too many frowned-upon ingredients.  Best of all, it's specifically made for treating scarring, and it did a really good number on  mine.  I used it only at night to help it last, and the bottle kept for a little over a year.

Paula's Choice 2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant: Grace said this stuff is awesome, and it is.  When the Lerosett ran out, I gave this a whirl after reading her recommendation since the company has super frequent sales and figured it would be a cheaper alternative.  I'm on my second bottle right now and it really has helped even everything out and heal the last bit of scarring and dark spots I have left over.  I save this one for nighttime, too, to help it last, and have found that just pouring a few drops into my hand, instead of onto a cotton ball, seems to stretch it even further.

Sunscreen: In all my reading I found out sun exposure is not a friend of acne scars and hyperpigmentation.  Although, given what everyone says, sun exposure is not supposed to be a friend at all?  Whatever; I know I'm supposed to wear sunscreen regardless, but I like walking with Aaron to the library and the playground and when I wear it I don't obsess over my face and what's going to happen to it.  I've been using this Neutrogena one for a long time, but recently saw this, so I'm sort of in the market for a new one.  Any recommendations?

Fish oil and Green Tea: A legit-to-me school of thought proposes that acne is a visible result of inflammation in the body, so I tried cutting out sugar for a while, followed by keeping my intake down, and loading up on the fish oil and tea.  A nice side effect of the fish oil was fewer issues with dry skin and chapped lips, and the tea helped a lot with sugar cravings.  Obviously, it was unsweetened tea; I like the taste of it plain, but if you're not a fan of what Andrew describes as drinking grass, this one has a nice fruitiness.

Mario Badescu Buffering Lotion: I started using Mario products about two years ago, and maybe it's my being consistent with an actual routine or maybe their customized approach to skincare really is an effective one (you can take a quiz on their website, then see products they recommend specifically for your skin type and issues), but for just a basic cleanser and toner, instead of the special, crying-induced purchases, they're the best.  The company also makes a famous pink blemish lotion that you dab on before bed, but when I sampled it (that's another thing--you can pick out samples when you order online!), I didn't have much luck besides getting pink spots on my pillow.  I like this one a lot more; it's a powder suspended in liquid that you shake and just lightly apply over breakouts.  For my skin, it really does make a difference overnight and isn't too drying.

Any favorites of yours that I missed?  I'm pretty happy with my skin right now and probably shouldn't stray too far from what I've found to work, but I'm kind of an embarrassingly pliable consumer who gets easily curious about new things out there.

More importantly, have any of you had a similar acne product detox experience?  On the whole, it feels good not to be dependent on high levels of chemicals to keep my skin clear anymore, but if I could change anything, I definitely wouldn't have quit the Proactiv cold turkey.  If you're considering something similar, maybe doing it well in advance of your wedding is the best timing, along with slowly using less and less of the products to get your skin used to it?  I feel like going through the wringer with this has left me without any trace of shyness when it comes to talking about it, so I'd be glad to answer any questions if you're going through a similar process!

Repost: Underneath Your Clothes

Please tell me I'm not the only blogger who obsessively checks page views and comments on the day a new post goes up.  Please.  In the past month since I began my attempt to bring this thing back from the dead, I've been staring down the search terms and traffic sources that led people to these pages, and was surprised--not in a bad way!--to see a significant number of search terms for "Catholic lingerie" and "Can Catholics wear lingerie?"  My opinion is here in this post from 2 years ago, and I'd love to reignite the discussion.  Thoughts?

Remember my honeymoon essentials post ?  It featured a pretty lace bra and underwear set, and as I collected images for the post, I came across plenty of other pieces worth sharing.  Behold, here, the products of my internet wanderings.

1 and 4, Rikshaw Designs.  2, 5, 12, & 13, Anthropologie.  3, J. Crew.  6, 7, & 9, Topshop.  8, 10, & 11, Aerie.

To be honest, I wasn't really interested in lingerie before I got married.  I'd heard of lingerie-specific parties for the bride that sounded impossibly awkward, and asked my bridesmaids to just politely let shower guests know that I wouldn't prefer to receive any. Mostly I just wanted to avoid being embarrassed, but I think I also had this idea in my head that I'd be buying into the culture, and its seeming insistence that women look and act like Victoria's Secret models, if I set foot anywhere near something lacy.

In the past few years, though, my attitude has actually changed.  I realized I was failing to separate the culture's idea of beauty in the bedroom from that same beauty as it really is and should be.  It wasn't what a woman wore that was the problem; it was the messages of objectification and naughtiness that I'd been encouraged to believe about it, and I realized that with purity there can be freedom from so many of those lies.  Plus, I discovered there are plenty of classy, pretty choices available, a far cry from the costumey nightmares some brides receive.  Back in December, I wrote about beauty and sensuality in a way I don't think I can reword better, so here it is again, a little summing up of my attitude towards the way a woman can (and in my opinion, should) present herself to her husband with love:

When I was younger, I remember being so surprised by the Song of Songs' overt sensuality, as well as by the idea that lines like "Your hair is like a flock of goats!" were considered turn-ons.  Now, though, having been graced with a deeper, much more integrated view of sexuality, I see nothing but purity in these lovers' passion.  As human persons, we are more special than we could ever fathom: no other being on earth is made in God's image and likeness, as a body and soul.  And as women, we're the crown of creation.  Our bodies express who we are and express the love between man and wife in such a visible way, so what I've come to realize is that sensuality, in the literal context of having to do with the senses, is such a beautiful thing.  Sensuality, eroticism, and sex itself...these goods have been so twisted by the world, but when they're untwisted and placed squarely back where they belong, in light of nuptial love, they're nothing but good, pure, and holy.

You totally wanted to read about my undies today, I'm sure.  The reason I brought this up is that I think there's a possibility, particularly in Catholic circles, to turn lingerie into a moral issue, probably because of the negative messages out there that had me confused for a while.  I'd humbly argue that it's not an issue of morality, but of preference, love, and femininity.  I think adorning your body can be a beautiful (though certainly not necessary, if it's not your thing) invitation to be gazed upon with love, not just in the physical sense, but in the sense of truly being seen.

What do you think?  I realize, like I said, there's some debate about this,  though perhaps largely as a result of misunderstanding, and I'd love to hear your thoughts!